Jess Loves Peters

Cougar, men’s mental health advocate, female sexuality champion 🐾

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

When we wonder how so many people willfully ignored what Epstein was doing while benefitting from him, this is exactly what @jimmyfallon just did.

[Metro @MetroUK]

Jimmy Fallon under fire for ‘disgraceful’ Conor McGregor interview https://t.co/0zq5pGM9jb

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

Trump writes posts like he just saw his boyfriend like a thirst trap on Instagram

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

@Instacart @lyft @Uber @DoorDash can you offer options for those of us with no access to residential recycling to schedule pickups for holiday packaging and drop it at a local recycling facility? Many would gladly pay a fee rather than sending it to landfill or waste-to-energy.

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

My favorite specimen of religious people to observe in the wild are those oblivious to the flagrant irony of saying THEIR religion is the most superior

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

My favorite specimen of religious people to observe in the wild are those oblivious to the flagrant irony of saying THEIR religion is the most superior

[GodlyAction @GodlyAction]

Written by man:

- The Quran
- The Veda
- The Book of Mormon

Written by God:

- The Bible

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

People who constantly say they hate drama usually lack the self-awareness to realize their life choices are responsible for the drama in their lives.

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

Welcome to toilet paper in 2025:

You can either pay $6 for a pack of sandpaper 1-ply

Or $40 for a pack of soft and strong multi-ply with wavy perforations.

There is zero middle ground.

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

Non-stop Nut November because nutting is all we can afford

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

And the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks is the same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.

[Republicans against Trump @RpsAgainstTrump]

BREAKING: A federal judge ruled that Donald Trump’s deployment of National Guard troops to Washington, D.C., was illegal, concluding he lacked the authority to send in troops “for the deterrence of crime.”

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

OK??? And the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks is the same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

If I’m fighting off 26 deadly snakes I don’t have time to find a camel, let alone make it cry

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

The word “pirate” is outdated and offensive, you should use the more progressive term “Cargo Colonizer,” or “Naughty Nautical Nomads”

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

To be clear, when I say we’re in Spooky Season” it has nothing to do with Halloween

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

Now would be a great time for aliens to land on our planet because we won’t bat an eye, we’ll just assume it’s a new character arc

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

May today find you with the same feeling as watching Punjabi groomsmen dance into the reception hall

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

I can tell which conservatives AND liberals didn’t grow up with younger siblings because they fail to embrace the fundamental idea of: I may roast you a bit if I find your way of life goofy but that doesn’t mean I won’t throw hands when someone actually threatens your way of life

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

Nothing triggers my bite or fight response faster than hearing a parent accuse their child of “stealing” food from the kitchen

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

I only trust cops who hit the hard “h” when they say the word “vehicle”

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

If I owned a wicker store I’d call it “No Rest for the Wicker,” but alas no one furnishes their home in wicker anymore so I have to wait for a wicker revival

[Jess Loves Peters @JessthePrequel]

FYI it should be me kissing Keke Palmer. IT SHOULD BE ME