Things Jesus Never Said

Swedish I Buddhist I Nice Guy I Republican I Non-Binary I Spiritual-But-Not-Religious I Motivational Speaker I ENFJ I Presidential Nominee I Best-Selling Author

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

Politics will save you!

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

If you don't like my Church, then go and start your own.

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

Who am I to judge?

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

Sola Scriptura!

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

If you don't love me, I will force you to love me. It's called Irresistible Grace.

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

I like rich people more than poor people.

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

Abortion was Mary's right to choose.

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

You need more fog machines.

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

I died for me.

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

Always be positive!

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

Don't be negative!

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

EVERYONE goes to heaven.

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

If you want to be blessed, then give me more money.

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

Let's compromise.

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

All religions are EQUAL.

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

My disciples, here's how to grow the Church:

Do whatever culture tells you to do.
Don't be awkward.
Always be ready to compromise.
Hang out with celebrities.
Tell jokes.
Keep your morality ambiguous.
DO NOT talk about Sin.
Say nothing but say it well.
Always look gay.

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

My disciples, do you see the size of these crowds? If you want to gather lots of followers you must stay away from addressing controversial topics like Abortion.

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

How many times do I need to say this?: Unborn babies are NOT human!

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me….Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me; but, of course, you can’t apply that to helpless preborn children.

[Things Jesus Never Said @JesusNeverSaid1]

Let the unwanted children stay away from me.