J Heiser

Fact Checker at The Onion

Contributor Improv Theater player, coach, teacher and donor.

[John Aravosis 🇺🇸🇬🇷🏳️‍🌈 @aravosis]

I live here, this is a lie. The park was popular with drug addicts and drunks a good 16+ years ago. It’s been quite popular with regular families since then, and is typically packed every summer weekend. And, unlike other spots in DC, there was never a homeless camp in this park. As always, the truth just isn’t enough with these guys. It’s sad, really.

[J Heiser @Jheiser3]

@Domo8186

[J Heiser @Jheiser3]

@OBtoojiveforyou Its 1 + 1

Mental gymnastics would be changing the subject to position need and franchise need.

And to be honest I'd take Caleb Wilson at 2 unless every doctor ever confirmed DP would never cramp again.

[J Heiser @Jheiser3]

@_BenBecker He's that good and he's a great person too.

[J Heiser @Jheiser3]

@TroyHalibur AD and 1 to Utah for 2 and JJJ

[J Heiser @Jheiser3]

@Domo_DMV Shout out to all you who watched every game and put the time in. You deserve this.

[J Heiser @Jheiser3]

@MattModderno I can make a case for him as high as 2. 🐑

[FilmX's Number One Fan @GAltringham]

One thing that confused me about Planet of the Apes—they never explain how the Statue of Liberty ended up all the way on the ape planet.

[Carolina Basketball @UNC_Basketball]

Keep the family close.

[J Heiser @Jheiser3]

@_BenBecker But why? Hes done nothing in Chicago. He's like an old restaurant chain you see when you're visiting some other town. "Oh, I didn't realize those still existed." You feel the nostalgia but you don't actually go in the joint.

[Mike Beauvais @MikeBeauvais]

After 24 years, JUSTICE FOR WALLACE.

[J Heiser @Jheiser3]

@Domo8186 The real deal.

[Andrew—#IAmTheResistance @AmoneyResists]

LMFAO when you lay it out like this the absurdity is just STAGGERING.

[Seth Abramson @SethAbramson]

They darkened her skin. They made her heavier. They made her look older. They made it look like she was crying when in fact she was courageous. And I just wrote days ago that Donald Trump hates no demographic in America more than Black women. How much more evidence does one need?

[𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚌𝚌 𝙲𝚑𝚞𝚗𝚐𝚞𝚜 🍄 @anactualwalnut]

Hey y’all see the 17 year old Target employee who was abducted by ICE from his job despite being a United States citizen and telling them that, and they shoved him in the car and when they confirmed he was indeed a US citizen then pushed him out of the car in a Walmart parking lot 8 minutes away from where they abducted him. And he’s stumbling and sobbing while bystanders ask if he’s okay (at the Walmart after being pushed out of the car) and he’s sobbing saying “no I’m not okay, they slammed me on the ground.” And he’s bleeding.

A 17 year old kid.

[Antoni z Kijowa @koneser_misia]

‘everyone grieves differently’

Erika Kirk:

[Harry Eccles @Heccles94]

Merry Christmas from ██████████████ and First Lady Melania Trump 🇺🇸

[I Plead the GIF 🖐🏾 @lilwaltjr305]

Say it louder Dave Chappelle
Charlie Kirk wasn't no damn MLK
#TheUnstoppable

[J Heiser @Jheiser3]

@LedoPizza Sausage pizza, extra sauce. 😋