Silly Jilly

I only tweet when I’m drunk, so you do the math.

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

Think how pissed everyone would be if you blew blow? Why isn’t it called sniff?

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

Why is everyone wearing bad pleather pants?

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

Scorpions are desert lobsters. Think they’re also tasty boiled with butter? But also what isn’t?

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

There’s a generation growing up without Oprah.

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

The gummies hit ☄️👹🪩😈🫠

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

Am I at the age where they’d have a 24 yr old play the 17 yr old version of me in my biopic?

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

Overheard chat at the airport: “@AaronRodgers12 is a pompous prick that works in a blue collar cheese town" 🤣

This man is my new hero #beardown

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

How have we gone from the same celebrities that sold perfume in the 00’s now sell vitamins 20 years later?

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

@YouTube should buy the #VMAs from @MTV at this point.

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

How is $1,000 a lot of money and not a lot of money at the same time?

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

Does anyone on this planet think the #LibertyMutual commercials are funny? If so, are you ok?

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

After dating for this long & raised on Disney movie, I’ve realized… I’m the prince. I’m rich, I’ve been all over the world and I just need someone cute to talk to animals for me and maybe match my socks together.

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

Idk who needs to hear this, but owning crypto isn’t a personality trait

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

Ever have those moments when you wish there was a reset button? Locking eyes with the guy pants down and taking a shit in the alley is one of them.

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

🤏 this close to quitting my job and becoming a cult leader

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

You can’t consider yourself an ass guy if you don’t eat ass… Right!?

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

We own homes with rooms we never want to sit in

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

Cups of water can’t go in the microwave, dish soap can’t go in the dishwasher, babies can’t be left in hot cars… how are we supposed to remember all this shit?

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

Why isn’t a group of mongooses called mongeese? 🤔

[Silly Jilly @JillyJokes]

Lower wackier drive is a dystopian hellscape #chicago