Tim Johnson

Bystander perspectives.

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

If I ever learn how to focus, it's gonna be over for y'all

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

PSA for microwave manufacturers: when I open the door, I no longer need the beep

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

On my pandemic weigh gain, Taylor tells me I'm not out of shape, I'm just a new shape.

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

I'm trying this new thing where I don't respond to any emails. So far, so good.

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

I'm not that upset the new #amazon app icon looked like hitler but I am upset it's ruined the color coordination of my apps.

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

Do you ever get something stuck in your teeth and you try to get it out but it just goes deeper and now it's just a part of you forever?

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

Lofi is just Millennial Jazz

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

A question for married men: Do you still pee while standing? Or have you succumbed to the fact that the toilet seat should always be down?

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

I got mistaken for a woman again today. I think it would hurt less if they were deliberately trying to hurt me.

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

Today I learned that biscuits are cowboy croissants.

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

@eric_trad I just tried this and they went to the inbox, not spam. I've never been one to take good advice, so you may have a nice "I told ya so" in a few months.

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

@rustyrockets would you ever consider teaching a #masterclass on #totemism?

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

@eric_trad Thanks for responding. I recently started hosting a few sites and I'm pretty surprised how hard it is to find reliable information. I went with #SiteGround and so far it has been much faster, though a little less user friendly than #BlueHost.

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

Has anyone listed to the radio recently?

"Has your live been aversely affected by the Corona pandemic?? Tune in at 5:30 for your chance to win a $1,000 gift card to buy groceries!!"

I suppose it's more than our government is doing...

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

@boundiali yes, but the kind that starts in your toes and ends at the top of your head.

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

Hey guys, do you ever get the chills while you're peeing and get pee all over your house?

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

@coachmiela I love you too! Hope you're holding up well out there, what a time to be alive.

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

Does anyone else's girlfriend have 800 coasters? If not, lmk and I can help you get your count up.

[Tim Johnson @JimTohmson]

@SkyrimDiet You're doing great.