The Jizzmaster

The Jizzmaster on Funny or Die

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

To help with the California Drought, for the next few months I'm drinking nothing but Sperm. Its going to be a great summer! #blessed

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

Putting together a few Thanksgiving recipes, looking forward to using my new "White Gravy" #thankfulforjizz

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

I nominate Larry Newman aka @GoodWordFurbs for the Testicular Cancer "Jizz Bucket" challenge this Saturday! #jizzmaster3

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

I also nominate @duckierose to take the Jizz Bucket challenge with me!
#jizzmaster3

[zixistweeting @zixistweeting]

@JizzmasterTom I'll bring the clam jam mate

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

I'm taking the Testicular Cancer "Jizz Bucket" challenge this weekend! I nominate @ChrisGehrt @Nicola_Graham @robertcraighead @ChrisWivell

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

Just got a box of chocolates, tasting them all, trying to find the one with the Jizz in it!
I hate this game! Just give me the white stuff!

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

Its Sunday, I'm setting up the barbecue for some Jizz flavored steaks! #kissthecook

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

Just signed that Somali pirate guy for a cameo role in "Jizzmaster 3!" #stoked #somalisperm

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

Bummed that Jaguar, Feather and Candice didnt get supporting actor noms for "Jizz 2."

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

Money for nothin and the Jizz for free.

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

Just got back to my room and found it RANSACKED! - Some russian was looking for my briefcase of sperm! #sochiproblems

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

Just got word that my Jizz medal ceremony is going to be bumped by a re-run of "The Voice" #goldjizzmedal

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

Anyone know how to say "Another glass of sperm please" in Russian? #languagebarrier

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

Loving the Sochi people. Have tasted all sorts of exotic and international sperm. Go USA! #teamsperm #sochijizz

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

Just stuck the landing and got 1st place in the Sperm Drinking competiiton! #sochigold

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

@GoodWordFurbs Ughhh, that wasn't soda. Now your glasses are going to glow under a black light! #cupofjizz

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

Got a blind date tonight. I hope she likes Jizz! .... and Denny's. #imnervous @DennysDiner

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

Wild Super Bowl, got way too drunk on Semen. Gonna sit back and watch daytime TV while eating a grilled jizz sandwich. @Hahneric

[The Jizzmaster @JizzmasterTom]

Damn, Bruno Mars just paged me again, he's freaking out, sperm count low. I gotta get him his special delivery @samtripoli