JoeHartzler

Producer/Content Creator - Actor/Writer/Director

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

I always feel bad when an architect is explaining to me all about how the interior textures were designed to pull my eye outside and create harmony with the natural world and I have to inform them that it didn't work.

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

BAN FIREWORKS

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

Anyone caught with deflated Christmas decorations soaking limp in the rain after today will be arrested.

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

@SeanMillsMedia lol

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

Honestly, there are days I resent this burden of having to be the real deal. :(

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

Great. My Hezbollah electric toothbrush stock just tanked.

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

Out for a run, mile 6. Couple'a teenagers coming down the sidewalk.

"Hey man, watchu running from?"

Me: "Everything."

"I feel you, man."

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

If you get a chance to see Ben Schwartz and Friends live, DO IT. They put on an awesome show. Plus, Ben will take you out to dinner after. Recommend!

[Ben Schwartz @rejectedjokes]

DC & Austin! Those audiences were magic. Thanks to all 5000 of you for having us! And thanks to the all star improv crew of Drew Tarver, Suzi Barrett & Ryan Gaul.
Only 5 more tour shows left in 2024. Boston, NYC, LA, Minneapolis, Chicago. Get tix here- https://t.co/3Oy3xGq9po

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

Top five positive things since moving from L.A. -> Canton, OH:
1. Home ownership.
2. Regular job with benefits/health insurance.
3. Running up to 30 miles a week.
4. Not auditioning.
5. Lower cost of living.

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

Top 5 moments since moving from L.A. -> Canton, OH:
1. Guy shoots up on camera at 5AM.
2. AR15 guy holds up the crackhouse.
3. Guy sticks a revolver in another guy's face in broad daylight.
4. 3 guys with sawed-off shotgun hold up the crackhouse.
5. Man hides under my porch.

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

Honorable mentions:
1. Guy caught stealing crack by guy who left bottle of piss in my yard.
2. Guy shoots up behind the trash cans.
3. Man cries when not invited to the party, sits on curb and shoots up.
4. Pigeons evicted from my soffit.
5. Guy jumps from moving car, gets tased.

[Ben Schwartz @rejectedjokes]

The Earliest Show- Thinking or Bathroom.
#TheEarliestShow

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

Single in my forties, trying to relate to folks:

“Oh, you have kids? That’s awesome. My co-worker has kids.”

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

Really enjoyed your performance in Five Easy Pieces (1970) @alana_johnston. What’s Jack Nicholson like?

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

Struggling to come up with new passwords. I was only on so many improv teams.

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

“I’m back on social media after a long hiatus.”

-People who took a break from social media

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

@DadHasADD I am so proud of you.

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

If I had kids I’d prolly be so proud of ‘em.

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

@ericregan Just enough time to doze off before the next one scares the crap out of me again. I love it!

[JoeHartzler @JoeHartzler]

The best time for fireworks is one every thirty minutes from 7:30PM to 11PM on a Sunday night in June.