middle-aged mutant ninja turtle!

Roasting marshmallows as the world burns.

[middle-aged mutant ninja turtle! @JoeLinardi]

@TheAuthorGuy McMagma.

[middle-aged mutant ninja turtle! @JoeLinardi]

🐈‍⬛ Kung-Fu Kitty driving 🫣 https://t.co/9adQJ4H002 via @YouTube

[middle-aged mutant ninja turtle! @JoeLinardi]

June 6, 2026 https://t.co/sgU9TOpAae via @YouTube

[𝙎𝙋𝙊𝙊𝙆𝙔 𝙁𝙊𝙍𝘾𝙀 𝙂𝘼𝙕𝙀𝙏𝙏𝙀 ™ 🇺🇸🇺🇦 @FrancisWegner]

My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus Christ defeats the Antichrist effortlessly at his Second Coming, specifically at the Battle of Armageddon. The victory occurs when Jesus destroys the "lawless one" and casts him into the lake of fire.

[Brian Krassenstein @krassenstein]

This one is so much more accurate than the original.

[middle-aged mutant ninja turtle! @JoeLinardi]

@TheAuthorGuy So... invading Poland is a little too on the nose?

[middle-aged mutant ninja turtle! @JoeLinardi]

@Fights_bro I thought taco bell kicked your ass the day after you eat it! he won't know if he's bleeding out his ass from the taco supreme or the fact he got bodied at the border!
Do you think he heard the bell?

[middle-aged mutant ninja turtle! @JoeLinardi]

@LivHollaway Jacob Marley: ''Tonight, you will be visited by three ghosts.''
Liv: ''Yeah, does that include your spooky chain rattling ass? or will there be three more dicks waking me up? because that would be four ghosts! dumbass! and if none of them are Beetlejuice tell 'em to piss off!''

[middle-aged mutant ninja turtle! @JoeLinardi]

@TheAuthorGuy He used the word "Foment" correctly, that "word a day calendar" he got last "Weihnachten" coming in bigly!

[middle-aged mutant ninja turtle! @JoeLinardi]

@Chris_Meloni natural blonde?

[middle-aged mutant ninja turtle! @JoeLinardi]

@TheAuthorGuy Grouchy what?

[middle-aged mutant ninja turtle! @JoeLinardi]

@catb0icarti what you mean? like 3-d printed and painted Titans and fat dragons or sculpted foam buildings and beholders? ain't nothing nerdy about that!😉😉

[middle-aged mutant ninja turtle! @JoeLinardi]

@AlexSkolnick I've been waiting for Skoli-D to make an appearance!🤣🤣

[middle-aged mutant ninja turtle! @JoeLinardi]

@TheAuthorGuy Pete's socks, 100% cotton blend.
can't make Crocs and socks cool.
and really can't explain how his goofy looking ass pulled Ariana Grande or Kate Beckinsdale! (I mean really? how the hell did he do that?)

[middle-aged mutant ninja turtle! @JoeLinardi]

@TheAuthorGuy actual frog in his throat?

[middle-aged mutant ninja turtle! @JoeLinardi]

@TheAuthorGuy @rdone don't forget the toys! "Hey kids, are you afraid of the dark? well fear no more! when you give off a healthy glow thanks to your very own ATOMIC ENERGY LAB! by Gilbert toys!!"

[middle-aged mutant ninja turtle! @JoeLinardi]

@TheAuthorGuy It took Dr. Oz three hours to convince RFK jr. that the sand worms weren't "Coming to get him!" with promises of "A big Slurpee and two bags of Cool ranch Doritos!" to get him to come down.

[middle-aged mutant ninja turtle! @JoeLinardi]

@TheAuthorGuy It's a deep fake video! Q-Anon, Alexa, Grok, a self-driving Tesla and the band from Chucky Cheese already "Collected" him! now his AI doppelganger is talking shit about Magnus Colesen while trying to flush Bobby Fischer out of hiding, so they can rule unopposed! 🤔🤔

[DiaperDiplomacy @DiaperDiplomacy]

“The numbers were ridiculous.” Naturally, she’s fired. Ended the war in Congo & Rwanda too.

[middle-aged mutant ninja turtle! @JoeLinardi]

@DreadAnon "If you won't let me get up, someone get in here with a spatula and help me scratch my ass! please!!"