John Bennett

Host of Mondo Baltimore and co-creator of Experts of Nothing, and your garden variety mercenary jackass.

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

Paul Reubens was a Saint and if you say anything bad about him they'll burn down your house and make a wackier smaller house with the pieces that survive the fire. #PeeWeeHerman

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

How great would this "sport" be if they dipped their hand in GLITTER? #powerslap

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

I've been rejected many times in my life but I've never been Kevin McCarthy rejected and that feels terrific

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

Any Movie is a Christmas Movie.

Christmas is Just a Date On A Calendar.

It's Not Like Baby Jesus Will Snatch The Remote Away With His Little Jesus Hands And Spike It On The Floor Saying You Ruined His Birthday With His Little Baby Jesus Face.

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

You know when they put forensic clay on a human skull to see what the guy's face originally looked like? There's always a stage of that where I go "oh wow that's Elon Musk".

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

I bought a square pillow and now all my dreams are just static, hyper realistic and normal also I am Huey Lewis

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

If you think that's bad Flounder is played by Jared Leto and his fish accent is "HOO BOY" #LittleMermaidLiveAction

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

I say we dig up Leslie Nielsen and slide them both across a banquet table missionary position for old times sake.

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

Not starting rumors but I am pretty sure Ron DeSantis was the bar patron that offers up his wife's breasts for money in "Road House".

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

There is no hell quite like listening to Matthew McConaughey trying to explain how to McConaughey properly

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

Adele has ended her residence in Las Vegas describing the experience as "soulless".

Celine Dion declined to comment as she had already unhinged her jaw and proceeded to swallow an elderly couple from Nebraska.

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

Alex Jones breathes a sigh of relief as the prosecutor doesn't mention his Grindr profile seeking Bolivian Frogs Who Like To Party.

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

So many Gen-X dads came home from "Top Gun: Maverick", strapped on the old CPAP machine, and continued that drive on the highway to the Danger Zone.

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

I like to think of the lyrics of "Ice Ice Baby" as a transcript of a failed Dairy Queen interview.

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

You should be able to get a license to hunt Gun Lobbyists so they can have open and honest policy demonstrations.

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

I just saw the Avatar 2 trailer. This is truly going to be the Empire Strikes Back of Trapper Keeper Covers From The 90's.

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

Ditch your tired old mattress for a hotel laundry bag we filled with ping pong balls named "Kevin" for some f*cking reason. Sleep in your living room, it's a studio ya animal.

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

Horrors of the multiverse? Pfft. I already learned about that purposely misspelling Napster downloads, Doctor Strange.

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

Call me a traditionalist but I don't think we should have given best professional custodian of their emotions and pretending on camera to the guy who clearly didn't.

[John Bennett @JohnBennettTwit]

Remembering this one time interviewing to be a manager at Bob Evans' and the interviewer offered me fruit salad in a tall juice carafe and I proceeded to eat all of it without a spoon and I am pretty sure I failed some kind of unspoken test that only lab Chimpanzees would fail.