John C. Reilly

Boats N' Hoes (PARODY Account) In no way affiliated with John C. Reilly. Contact: [email protected]

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

Three reasons to stand up: 1. To get the remote 2. To go to the bathroom 3. Because you're the real slim shady

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

Best kinds of laughter: 1] Laughing so hard that your laugh becomes silent. 2] Feeling a 6 pack coming. 3] Tears coming out of your eyes.

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

I didn't text you last night… Vodka texted you.

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

#LiesMenTellWomen Ummmm, it's about 8 inches.

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

That awkward moment when you realize that person wasn't waving at you.

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

"You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that." - Life

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

Rihanna should just date Lebron James. He doesn't beat anyone.

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

We just made eye contact.. she wants the D.

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

That awkward moment when you post a status and no one likes it, so you end up deleting it.

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

Eyeing your toys suspiciously after watching Toy Story.

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

#NameAFollowerYouSmashed ?? lmao twitter would get too real if people start doing this.

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

I can't hear you, so I'll just laugh and hope it wasn't a question.

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

I'm not fat. My stomach's 3D.

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

There's medicine for depressed lesbians, it's called Trycoxagan.

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

Why post a picture on Facebook with the caption 'OMG!! I'm sooooooooo ugly' and then get annoyed when I agree?

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

I don’t have insomnia, I have Internet connection.

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

Airplanes have now banned tweezers. I think anyone who can hijack a plane with tweezers deserves the plane.

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

#BlackBabyNames - Cornbreesha,
Obamaniqua, Koolaidria, Watermelondrea, Fri'Chickenisha. Colla'Greeniqua and Grapedrankisha

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

Whenever I talk with someone who stutters... I yell "REMIX"

[John C. Reilly @JohnCReilly_]

EVERYONE GO FOLLOW @FriendlyRacist !!!!!! TOO FUNNY !!!!!!