John Michael

EAT. SLEEP. FART.

[John Michael @JohnMichaelTime]

@TownOfMiltonON the new traffic light at Clark and James Snow is horrible for anyone turning left out from Clark on the weekend. It was so long I just saw the first car run the red light!

[John Michael @JohnMichaelTime]

@msmacarasig Don’t worry, you’ll hit 225 on bench soon enough.

[John Michael @JohnMichaelTime]

@msmacarasig They call this a “fivehead”

[John Michael @JohnMichaelTime]

@samNtut @Nenneray 😅

[John Michael @JohnMichaelTime]

“I love my brother. I love giving him hugs.” - Wrong captions for the picture. 🤣

[John Michael @JohnMichaelTime]

@Nenneray Lol never from behind. Let them know you’re coming. Anthony was just trying to turn his head so Noah would face him

[John Michael @JohnMichaelTime]

Looks like it’s almost time for my nonsensical vehicle purchase

[Hugh McIntyre @PopBangHugh]

Just ​learned​ that the American Psychological Association defines middle adulthood (middle age) as beginning at 35​.

[John Michael @JohnMichaelTime]

Being reminded of a paper cut when you rub hand sanitizer. 🥲

[John Michael @JohnMichaelTime]

@ronardGQ Lol gotta be a member first

[John Michael @JohnMichaelTime]

Hey @SwissChaletCA, what’s the average wait time to be served and the food arrive after sitting? It took about 25 mins before someone came to our table (with two young kids) and almost an hour now without food on the table.

[John Michael @JohnMichaelTime]

@KolkataPolice Pranks Destroy Scam Callers- GlitterBomb Payback https://t.co/lqRi9R2LtC via @YouTube

[John Michael @JohnMichaelTime]

@R1ckReyIlu And he forgot to turn on the exhaust fan. It was a punch in the face when I walked in

[John Michael @JohnMichaelTime]

I’ve pooped three times today. Noah’s pooped once. But if you add the smell of all three of my poops, it would barely equal half the stench that Noah’s singular visit provided. Not sure if I’m to be impressed or disgusted right now.

[John Michael @JohnMichaelTime]

My wife told me I only tweet about poop. I wanted to tell her, “I don’t give a poop”, but I guess that would be an obvious lie. All I give are poops 🤙🏽

[John Michael @JohnMichaelTime]

Anthony…
“Daaaad!”
Me: “Yea?”
A: “Do you know we have 4 cheeks?”
Me: “Really?”
A: “Yea, two on your face and two on your butt… Butt cheeks!”
*All said yelling from the toilet as he poops.

[John Michael @JohnMichaelTime]

Please send me the apology form to fill out for wanting to trade Pascal and Boucher.

[John Michael @JohnMichaelTime]

@samNtut @renjovert Aren’t you HR? Damn, boy ratted himself out

[rollin’ with rimandos @rollinwrimandos]

M: you’re so funny!
N: I want to make peepuhl laugh, I like to make peepuhl hau-pee

[Bell Let's Talk @Bell_LetsTalk]

It’s Bell Let’s Talk Day! Check out how these celebrities look after their own mental health and join the conversation. For each video view, Bell donates an additional 5¢ to Canadian mental health initiatives. #BellLetsTalk

[rollin’ with rimandos @rollinwrimandos]

J: can someone help set the table?
N @ 3: you need help? I can help. You need help? I can be there