John Oliver

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

Just brain farted and told someone I’d be back in a jiffy

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

Call me Reese’s can’t catch me without da piece

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

People ask me how I make my money… whatever it takes

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

When did bob sagat die? He died and they just swept that legend under the rug. Fuck is we doin

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

Sometimes I smoke weed and get scared

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

The stage of life that I’m in right now is “figuring it the fuck out”. I don’t know what’s going on. Anyone else? I’m deadass

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

Hey siri, set an alarm for those sleeping on me…

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

@BighossRic420 Good job leaving it at that rich… nowadays u tell the wrong person a little to much ur idea is taken from right underneath ur feet!!!!

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

Hey my name is pussy faggot. I mean Mason

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

Today I start a new journey, a journey few will understand. Is what I would say if I could possibly fathom stopping doing terrible things to innocent people

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

Real drinkers don’t care how much they ate that day

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

If u think about it every year is the same they just add 1 year once the year is over. Time never stops and automatically just changes into a new year. The government hides this

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

@jakeBedging One great take after another! Good work Jake!

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

There’s really a rapper named big tigger

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

There will never be a tale like Johnny Appleseed again 🤫…

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

A foolish man covers his balls while running naked through a crowd a wise man covers his face

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

Is it just me or who the FUCK wants to pay $200 for a concert when I can just listen to them on my speaker

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

If u stay off ur phone for like 15 mins and sit outside u will notice its lowkey 2014 again

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

People will soon hear how loud the silence is that I move within. If u don’t understand then ur a pilgrim.

[John Oliver @JohnOliverDaGuy]

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