Jon Methven

THERAPY MAMMALS | IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING | BOAT | me:

[Jon Methven @JonMethven]

DAMN WAGON, based on our indestructible stroller that got us through two kids, endless subway rides, plane trips, countless grocery hauls, and thousands of playground expeditions. This stroller still survives somewhere in NYC. Short story here: https://t.co/iU27H6XZlX

[Rare Bird @rarebirdlit]

No weekend plans? Sink into @JonMethven’s Strange Boat, a first person plural novel that explores a world as equally taken with space travel, survival, and escapism as our own. Published 2016.

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"This odd obsession with fungi has become a metaphor for your career. You’ve attached yourself to a host workspace. You’re growing out of this company. And at some point, we’ll need to extricate you so we can have that desk back."
https://t.co/74JmJ8A7nU

[Jon Methven @JonMethven]

#LPCLowdown

[New York Times Opinion @nytopinion]

“My puppy aversion is less Cruella de Vil and more Benadryl and hand-sanitizer derived,” writes @JonMethven. https://t.co/69hmp4lrvx

[New York Times Opinion @nytopinion]

“I never detected an instance of emotion in Bobby’s lizard face,” writes @JonMethven. “He did no tricks and showed no personality, not even wagging his reptilian tail. He was the perfect pet.” https://t.co/vXqJk6HaWQ

[New York Times Opinion @nytopinion]

“When my eldest son brought home a lizard named Bobby from school to babysit for the weekend, it revealed a small fissure in my anti-pet stance,” writes @JonMethven. “I fell for the lizard.” https://t.co/198xv48d5w

[New York Times Opinion @nytopinion]

“My puppy aversion is less Cruella de Vil and more Benadryl and hand-sanitizer derived,” writes @JonMethven. https://t.co/5td12J7sQj

[Jon Methven @JonMethven]

Check out the Community Thanksgiving Harvest Feast on Thursday, November 25, from noon to 3 p.m. It is open to everyone. The location is 1912 Adam Clayton Powell Jr Blvd, corner of 115th/AC.
#fcbcny #thanksgiving #foodpantry #harlem @FCBCNYC

[Color The World Orange™ for CRPS/RSD Awareness @CRPSOrangeDay]

It's here! Today is the eighth-annual Color The World Orange for CRPS/RSD Awareness! Make sure to wear some orange and post a picture to social media with the hashtag: #CRPSORANGEDAY Learn more on our website: https://t.co/iuvlKIG8pB

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"Scientists have discovered new data, which will surprise you but confirms what medical journals have been saying all along: your positive attitude is useless beneath what research shows is your ineffectual talent and nonexistent personality."
https://t.co/7dUfkXjA6L

[Jon Methven @JonMethven]

Unfortunate New Data Regarding Your Positive Attitude. Over @mcsweeneys today https://t.co/NJE5x4vV6K

[Jon Methven @JonMethven]

Jack Kerouac's On The Peloton, over at @mcsweeneys today @Denis__Morton @hannahcorbinnyc @OliviaAmatoNYC @fitxkendall @jsimsfit @alextoussaint25 @RobinNYC @emmalovewell @AllymissLove @yoiamsamyo @MattWilpers

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"I first met Dean not long after my wife and I split up. By met, I mean I hacked into my ex’s Peloton account to get a look at this Dean, the chisel-chested, side-burned instructor who enchanted her into purchasing a middle-class exercise contraption." https://t.co/VEExKve6MY

[Jon Methven @JonMethven]

Here’s an analytic look at NYC Reopening vs. New Yorkers struck by motorized bicycles delivering food. #NYC #reopening

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"Many Americans have postulated that cheese — and not masks, or social distancing, or hand-washing, or Anthony Fauci, or even vaccines — is the single most important entity in keeping them home, near the refrigerator, and thwarting COVID-19."
https://t.co/jUij3Eb1j2

[Jon Methven @JonMethven]

Stressed-out Americans have been self-medicating with #cheese, hoping to induce mild sanity to endure their petulant colleagues and esteemed family members, who are simply always there. Over @McSweeneys today

[McSweeney's @mcsweeneys]

"The snow has melted. The sun is shining. Everything is awash in the glory of dawn. We’re going to have to change out of the sweatpants we’ve been wearing as both pajamas and office slacks for months, aren’t we?"
https://t.co/7ljKBfEc4h

[Jon Methven @JonMethven]

Spring has Sprung!
Buds on trees. Flowers sprouting. We'll have to change out of the sweatpants with merlot stains for which no one judged us during the bleak winter months, but now mark us as failures of contemporary armageddon. Over at @mcsweeneys today
https://t.co/7K6OHpzL7z

[Jon Methven @JonMethven]

What is one skill you inadvertently discovered/honed since last March?

Mine is that I can make a semi presentable omelette