Jon Wolfrath

Ungaslightable
Master Sleuth

[Jon Wolfrath @JonWolfrath]

April 15th is the greatest day. I love paying my taxes because I'm an American patriot. I love this country! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

[Guinness World Records @GWR]

Disc golf enthusiast claims record by whizzing round course in under five minutes

https://t.co/O7iqIim0s6

[Jon Wolfrath @JonWolfrath]

https://t.co/wI9xt2VMbR

[Jon Wolfrath @JonWolfrath]

Pickleball needs to die

[Jon Wolfrath @JonWolfrath]

I love retail! LONG LIVE BRICK AND MORTAR!

[Jon Wolfrath @JonWolfrath]

@every_ygocard Can't believe you used to have to tribute summon that thing.

[Jon Wolfrath @JonWolfrath]

@MikeHelland @JFrankensteiner 🐐🐐🐐

[Jon Wolfrath @JonWolfrath]

I've spent more than $100 this calendar year on brie cheese. And yes, I do have a line for soft cheeses on my personal balance sheet.

[Jon Wolfrath @JonWolfrath]

@RasulEra 😥 I'll still wear your jersey to every game. https://t.co/uuzd6hh83v

[Jon Wolfrath @JonWolfrath]

Big daddy wants some crab cakes!

[Sergio Salgado @KingSergio25]

I just used my copy of death of a salesman to kill a mosquito... Idk if it's irony yet I haven't read the play

[Jon Wolfrath @JonWolfrath]

@ajdillon7 I'll buy another copy of your book if it is in MN.

[Jon Wolfrath @JonWolfrath]

I sold my car a couple days ago and today it dawned on me that I left my CD of Alladin the musical in the CD player. I pounded the table, shed one tear, and kept eating my pork taco.

[Jon Wolfrath @JonWolfrath]

.@Ticketmaster is trying to charge me $17 dollars of fees on a $25 dollar ticket. Not worth. Looks like my roth IRA will shed 17 tears of joy from a new deposit instead. Ticketmaster helping america save for retirement! Thank you!

Cc: @DaveRamsey

[Jon Wolfrath @JonWolfrath]

I ate a full box of croutons while watching the season finale of Temptation Island Season 4....I can't tell if this is an all time low or if my life is peaking

[Jon Wolfrath @JonWolfrath]

This morning I ate a bowl of cereal with creamer instead of milk...I've never had the thought that I could die young until today, but I'm not afraid of death anymore #CreamerClarity #MySmallIntestineWillNeverBeTheSame

[Jon Wolfrath @JonWolfrath]

Found this in a journal somewhere, eerie... it may be time for America to bring the grapefruit spoon out of flatware purgatory.

[Jon Wolfrath @JonWolfrath]

Was talking to someone in the #midwest who was raving about dishes at a pot luck:
1. Pickles wrapped in cream cheese & ham
2. Celery with cream cheese & everything seasoning
3. The first ingredient was cream cheese and I threw up in my mouth

We need a higher bar, it's too low

[Jon Wolfrath @JonWolfrath]

@khatijah_rae Fuck yourself

[Jon Wolfrath @JonWolfrath]

I'm concerned that as more people are having 2 kids or less, middle child syndrome -- the GOAT of syndromes -- will become functionally obsolete. If you have 3 children at least one won't be a complete waste of your time!