Jonathan Swift

As blushing will sometimes make a whore pass for a virtuous woman, so modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense. (parody)

[David Baddiel @Baddiel]

This is a very rare thing from a politician: a good heckle put-down. That gets my vote (I'm a dual citizen, so actually have one).

[James O'Brien @mrjamesob]

There has been a lot of mockery of this answer, quite rightly, but the question is weapons grade stupid too…

[Jonathan Swift @JonathanSwift79]

If you had a consequence-free choice, who appeals to you the most and, if you are inclined to reply, why?

[Jonathan Swift @JonathanSwift79]

@RishiSunak I don’t know ‘Will of the People’, but from what I understand he is the sort of chap who lies to get out of trouble.

[Jonathan Swift @JonathanSwift79]

I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed.

[Jonathan Swift @JonathanSwift79]

Fine friends.
Genuine questions:

1) What do you want from your government?

2) What are your priorities?

Baby stew is not an option.

[Jonathan Swift @JonathanSwift79]

I’ve released my magnum opus, ‘The Tumble-dryer Presidents District’. The songs go round and round (until they all sound the same). #TTPD #TaylorSwift

[Jonathan Swift @JonathanSwift79]

Assist me dear friends: is Angela Rayner also Mark Menzies? Are they equivalent?

[Jonathan Swift @JonathanSwift79]

PANIC! #TotalEclipse I’ve lost my keys.

[Jonathan Swift @JonathanSwift79]

On my travels, I find myself in search of the rapture. So today I have traveled to the British colony across the sea. I await my ascension. Or the arrival of the Antichrist. Or an alien invasion.

[Jonathan Swift @JonathanSwift79]

What if they *want* to lose the election? Has Rishi sent intimate bank statements to Nigel Farage?

[Dara Ó Briain @daraobriain]

If you think the Irish are doing well at all the Movie awards this year, wait until this wins Best Picture next year.

[Chrissie @endeducbullying]

Big Usborne sale, up to 60% off. Great if you are looking to expand your children’s library with quality books 📚 #Literacy #reading Please repost

https://t.co/VsJThRWYkS

[Jonathan Swift @JonathanSwift79]

I’ve never understood why people don’t go for a forage in a forest that is on fire. Such a mystery. Maybe it’s fire. Maybe it’s people not crossing the channel in tremendous storms. Remains a mystery. Congratulations Mr Cleverly.

[Jonathan Swift @JonathanSwift79]

Well, I got one am looking forward to the day with wine is measured in a weight of groats. It’s going to happen.

[Jonathan Swift @JonathanSwift79]

Good heavens! It’s Christmas Day and I’ve clean forgotten the Brussels Sprouts. Oh well, there we go, never mind. A happy accident.

[Jonathan Swift @JonathanSwift79]

What’s ‘app’? What is this? What? #Covid Inquiry id

[Jonathan Swift @JonathanSwift79]

My acquaintance keeps referring to him as Secure Starmer and I do wonder. Do you call him Rich He Sunak?

[Jonathan Swift @JonathanSwift79]

I do hope we’ve not forgotten about Michelle Mone. Rishi Sunak has selective amnesia.

[Jonathan Swift @JonathanSwift79]

I see Nadine Dorries has found a new career as Andrea Jenkyns’ ghostwriter. (If indeed this is true, but who even cares, really) #reshuffle