Jordan Ballard

busting daily

[Jordan Ballard @Jordan62633848]

I punched a cop in the face while I was on acid when I was 17. Now I do standup comedy. Who can I contact @VICE about getting a tv show

[Jordan Ballard @Jordan62633848]

The USPS stole my wife’s penis

[Jordan Ballard @Jordan62633848]

I will not let the south become the place northeaster’s send their communist kids to collage so they can get fat

[Jordan Ballard @Jordan62633848]

2023 is so cool. I can put my key fob in my ass and I don’t even have to take it out to start my car

[Jordan Ballard @Jordan62633848]

Becoming a border patrol agent is like going pro for being racist

[Jordan Ballard @Jordan62633848]

Getting an industrial hood vent installed over the toilet in my master bathroom

[Jordan Ballard @Jordan62633848]

@TimJDillon Unrealistic standards for retarded people

[Jordan Ballard @Jordan62633848]

Life is about being too sad to jack off and persevering by jacking off anyways

[Terrifying Nature @TerrifyingNatur]

Farming in Louisiana is tough.

[Jordan Ballard @Jordan62633848]

We used to do this shit all the time tf are they putting in Benadryl now

[Daily Loud @DailyLoud]

13-year-old dead after trying deadly TikTok “Benadryl challenge”

The challenge is where participants take 12 to 14 of the antihistamines — six times the recommended dose — in order to induce hallucinations.

[Jordan Ballard @Jordan62633848]

I know where he is

[Daily Loud @DailyLoud]

Drake Bell has been reported missing, and cops are deeply concerned for his safety: “He is considered missing and endangered."

[Jordan Ballard @Jordan62633848]

Fucking traitor

[Daily Loud @DailyLoud]

This man spent $170,000 on excruciating leg surgery to grow 5 inches. He says he gets more dates now.

[Jordan Ballard @Jordan62633848]

@bigjayoakerson I fell asleep watching this on Saturday night and woke up in the middle of the night having crazy diarrhea. Definitely need to rewatch

[Jordan Ballard @Jordan62633848]

Gonna adopt a Puerto Rican baby and name it dolce and cabana

[Jordan Ballard @Jordan62633848]

Wanna get a dog and name it Noah so I can be a white dude with a dog named Noah

[Jordan Ballard @Jordan62633848]

I hate everyone who’s more Italian than me

[Tim Dillon @TimJDillon]

Little Mermaid lyrics are being changed to reflect modern sensibilities. I think that’s good. The song “Kiss the girl” has been changed to “I wanna fuck on this fish bitch.”

[Jordan Ballard @Jordan62633848]

Only entering through the pros section of lowes and Home Depot because I drive a truck