José Cognac

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[José Cognac @Jose_Cognac]

While dealing with a pro se opposing party, I explained what diplomacy means, because he really needed to learn it. Now all our emails are positively dripping with niceties, because we both understand we are actually saying “fuck you” to each other.

[José Cognac @Jose_Cognac]

Started a documentary on Neanderthals. Immediately happy with it for three reasons: Neanderthal is pronounced correctly, it is narrated by @SirPatStew, and when he speaks the subtitles say [Sir Patrick]

[José Cognac @Jose_Cognac]

I’m at the courthouse today and neither the judge nor the District Attorney wore a necktie. I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

[derek guy @dieworkwear]

look at how they massacred my boy

[José Cognac @Jose_Cognac]

@MerriamWebster Harbor

[José Cognac @Jose_Cognac]

Hear me out: LEGO Barbie Movie. No wait. Pixar Oppenheimer.

[José Cognac @Jose_Cognac]

Imagine being called out like this half a billion years after your death. https://t.co/TEUO6b8CXO

[José Cognac @Jose_Cognac]

Without downloading any new pics, what’s your energy going into 2023?

[José Cognac @Jose_Cognac]

Mine was the Lego bonsai tree.

[José Cognac @Jose_Cognac]

@iamcardib

[José Cognac @Jose_Cognac]

I’m the only man who works in my building. Today as I was walking out, some lady hollered at me, “Bye Y Chromosome!” and ngl, it kind of stung.

[José Cognac @Jose_Cognac]

@KenJennings @Jeopardy Ho ho ho 🎅🏻

[José Cognac @Jose_Cognac]

Luis Guzmán was a fine Gomez, but Fred Armisen was a phenomenal Fester.

[José Cognac @Jose_Cognac]

@nerdist

[José Cognac @Jose_Cognac]

The new woman at work doesn’t laugh at the things I say, but she does nod vigorously and exclaims, “That’s a good reference!” which I think I prefer.

[José Cognac @Jose_Cognac]

I got new eyeglass frames in a color to match my eyes because I’m a dork. I got the transition lenses, too, because I’m a superdork.