joseph cutshall

mayonnaise enjoyer

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

Our mouths evolved to chew meat. And yet our mouths are made of meat they MUST NOT CHEW. Reality is not binary, but paradox.

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

When your kids have stomach issues, just remember the BRAT diet:

- Bread
- RATs

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

When someone writes EOD in a work email, you are free to interpret that as “End of Days”

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

@aplaceforowls I’m still here

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

Might eat this yogurt with chopsticks just to feel something

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

Really out here just trying not to become the sum of my coping mechanisms

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

You’re telling me a fish-man made this direct box??

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

Imagine Dragons makes music for people who listen to Imagine Dragons

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

Lizards must think we are so weak for needing to chew our food

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

Going through an interesting new phase in my life where a lot of food falls out of my mouth

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

Ed the dipshit hyena is the greatest character Disney ever created

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

I also have follow up questions to this, but at what point did opening “a can of worms” get just so completely psychotically out of hand?

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

@aplaceforowls Welcome to my home. These are my dirt boys.

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

If you want to know what raising boys is like, there’s a patch of bare dirt on the side of my house and my sons’ favorite thing to do is climb out our dog door and sit in the dirt patch and throw dirt on each other.

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

@aplaceforowls It is essentially only for you

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

If you’re just a normal everyday person you don’t have to wash your legs. Nothing happens there.

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

What happened to the man who ate bad old fish?

He got food poissoning

*dies*

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

@aplaceforowls Would be a sick tattoo

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

Evil @aplaceforowls like I’m smoking cigarettes with Damel, a tattoo of a camel

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

Harmony < HamRony!

[joseph cutshall @JosephCutshall]

Hang on, you’re telling me some raw men made these noodles??