Joseph Peaks

Music Educator/Composition/Sound Design

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

@taxisweater And you made a video so we can all fix our messed up guitars I hope???

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

A mantra that I’ve been working with during this first Autistic Burnout season: I will be gentle and patient with myself through this time of transformation. It’s been quite a challenge to slow down and really step up the self care needed to survive this change.

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

Realizing the Autistic auditory overload you’ve experienced all your life yet never accepted fully is the reason you’re such a great composer. ( because I can hear everything… ) Priceless.

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

As I integrate my past, the stories I told myself to get by, to make it to the next day, loose their power. My perception of events that have shaped my life are becoming clearer and that’s been a lot. I look forward to using these tough times to help as many people as possible.

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

It’s been interesting after the ASD diagnosis how often my intrusive thoughts will creep up and say “but what if you’re not and you’re just scared to do things…” That’s it. Just scared to do things! My brain ladies and gentlemen. My brain. Take a bow.

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

I learned yesterday that people with ASD often copy/steal entire characters that they resonate with from movies and TV and combine them into their personality. I remember doing this as a kid especially copying certain cadences ( rhythm of words ) of characters.

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

It has been a blessing to use my journey as a way to openly discuss concepts like presenting. I find that most children struggle with this whether neurodivergent or not. How we present ourselves, whether to blend in or stand out, is an important topic.

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

So I’m processing through a late in life Autism diagnosis. Yup. Makes a lot of sense for the people that know me best. I’ve been thinking about how difficult it must be for kids to get a neurodivergent diagnosis. Most of them literally have disorder in the name!

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

It amazes how many days I catch myself thinking that I haven’t done anything. I forget I did my Wim Hof. Meditated sometimes twice. Exercised. Ate right. For someone who’s neurodivergent that’s a lot of work before going to work. Need to give myself some credit.

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

A Zen teacher was speaking about rushing through learning stages. That demeans the journey of both yourself and the masters that have come before. Take the time to process and appreciate your journey. You started it for a reason and everything, even the fallout is important.

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

“Instead of learning how to do something and then doing it, DO SOMETHING and then learn from what you did. Rediscover the joy of beginning and your doubt will vanish.” Zen Guitar
Sage advice on a doubting day.

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

A great affirmation for today: I allow myself the space and time to embody all these changes.

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

It’s a question of self worth I think. After so many years of hiding parts of myself, it’s been a challenge to visualize someone accepting me as I am fully. It’s becoming clear that I have always molded myself to my partners likely for the safety.

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

I admit to struggling some this morning. Using the mask analogy, the simple act of taking it off leaves me confused about the future. While I know living more in alignment with who I truly am ( and have been hiding ) is the play, it’s super scary sometimes.

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

Anybody else?

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

Today my mom said that I was really comfortable being alone as a kid. I found it fascinating. I do like being alone, when I make the choice to be alone. When I want company I crave it so much that my brain tells me I won’t ever have another partner or no one cares about me. #OCD

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

Another interesting thing I found out about OCD is there’s such a thing as a musical intrusive thought. It’s a phrase of music that repeats and repeats often with the words taken out of context in a negative way. My brain’s crafty.

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

On my journey of OCD discovery, I read an interesting fact. It seems that neurodivergent people tend to rewatch tv shows and movies as a way to feel the feelings that are difficult for them through others. This definitely resonated with me. Anyone else?

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

As for the unfolding purpose. I’ve been transitioning my teaching practice to better describe what I do and why. I teach my students, using music, how to understand the systems that surround us. As a kid I didn’t understand them and it caused me pain.

[Joseph Peaks @JosephPeaks]

After a long day of therapy I’m even more certain about my burgeoning purpose. To continue to share my journey of discovery. I’m neurodivergent and while that’s likely obvious to my friends and family it comes as quite a surprise to me…