Josh Dissmore

Musician. Thinker. Appreciator. Occasional Mime.

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

Polar Vortex sounds like that old rollercoaster at an amusement park that has no line so they just let you keep riding it and it’s only like half full. #PolarVortex2019

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

When you’re at an establishment and the friend you’re with sees a friend he knows and introduces you to him and the guy gives you the dead fish handshake paired with a searing stink eye and you realize that he already hates you and everything is meaningless.

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

That was the greatest American Football game I’ve ever seen. #KCvsLAR #MondayNightFootball

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

Breaking News: No matter what happens tonight, literally half of the country will be filled with rage tomorrow.

In other news, I started listening to Christmas music today. #ElectionNight #MidtermElection2018

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

Aaron Lazarus Rodgers

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

You don’t buy the salmon-colored shorts if you think you can pull them off. You buy them if you KNOW you can pull them off. Sigh. Maybe next time, guys. #targetouttahere

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

At this point, the phrase “from the creators of Lost” is nothing more than a mere factual statement. #yourshowsucks

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

Luke Skywalker just handed an Oscar to Kobe Bryant. What a time to be alive. #Oscars90 #DearBasketball

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

Friends and family of American Olympians competing in Pyeongchang: “You did great tomorrow!” #2018Olympics

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

“Diet starts tomorrow,” the man said. Every Sunday night. For the rest of his life.

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

The Packers sideline is starting to look like a bad episode of ER. #whatgives #everythingapparently

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

Tootsie Pop has been running the same ad for nearly 50 years and it still kills EVERY TIME. #tootsiepop #mrowl #wemayneverknow

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

Well, Martellus Bennett will never have to buy a drink in Green Bay ever again. #SEAvsGB #Packers #thatsmyquarterback

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

Oh, the humidity! #notsorry #yesiam #butseriously

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

In hindsight, I'm pretty sure the "bullies" in Karate Kid were actually psychopaths. #missedthatone #deadmeat #thekaratekid

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

I didn't know Joe Pesci was part owner of the Golden State Warriors. #NBAFinals

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

If Side 2 of Abbey Road doesn't fix it, it ain't broken.

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

Gloria Gaynor is the most successful therapist of all time. #thinkaboutit #iwillsurvive

[Darren King @DKtheDrummer]

One time a fan gifted me a jar of gummy vitamins but I thought they were regular gummies so I ate em all. My pee glowed like a lightsaber.

[Josh Dissmore @JoshDissmore]

You know, sometimes Full House got deep. And when it got deep, it was actually really good television. #davecoulier got range.