Polar Vortex sounds like that old rollercoaster at an amusement park that has no line so they just let you keep riding it and it’s only like half full. #PolarVortex2019
When you’re at an establishment and the friend you’re with sees a friend he knows and introduces you to him and the guy gives you the dead fish handshake paired with a searing stink eye and you realize that he already hates you and everything is meaningless.
Breaking News: No matter what happens tonight, literally half of the country will be filled with rage tomorrow.
In other news, I started listening to Christmas music today. #ElectionNight#MidtermElection2018
You don’t buy the salmon-colored shorts if you think you can pull them off. You buy them if you KNOW you can pull them off. Sigh. Maybe next time, guys. #targetouttahere