Joshua Garroway

Styling, profiling, limousine-riding, jet-flying, kiss-stealing, wheelin' and dealin' son of gun.

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

@kathrynbarger and @LACountyBOS don’t believe that peacocks crap on my roof daily. Here’s video footage, Kathryn. Please allow your residents to protect their property from this nuisance. Please?

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

This is what a neighbor does to protect a car from peacocks. @kathrynbarger and @LACountyBOS can’t keep county roads safe to park on. Why, I’m not sure. It’s not because they’re busy running efficient elections or addressing homelessness. @KTLA @kcal @pasadenaweekly @PasStarNews

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

We know how incompetent @kathrynbarger and @LACountyBOS are at protecting residents against major threats, but they can’t even deal with little things. Here’s what peacocks do to cars on my street. If you dare look at the birds the wrong way, however, you get fined (or worse).

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

Another haiku for @kathrynbarger and the LA County government:

Peacock poop on roof.
Help me, please, @Oprah Winfrey!
LA County won't.

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

Seeing as LA County refuses to deal with its peacock problem, or even acknowledge my emails, I am resuming my daily haikus for @kathrynbarger and her team:

Peacocks everywhere!
Can @Taylorswift13 write something?
"Peacocks, bad boyfriends."

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

Going to @dunkindonuts tomorrow morning to reward a terrific commercial. Thanks for the shout out to Gen X!

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

Life hack for my 133 followers: Unmarked single rider line on Space Mountain at Disneyland. You're welcome.

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

Folks who'd known me only from Zoom routinely tell me I am taller than they expected when they meet me IRL. I'm only 6'0". Why do I seem like such a shorty online?

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

Kudos to #Lufthansa. When a late departure caused us to miss our connection in Munich, they rebooked us and arranged for free lodging and meals before we even landed.

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

I'm begging my fellow Jews to cool it with the schtick about Chinese food on Christmas. It's played...

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

I worry that I ruined USC football. I began teaching there in 2008. But for a bad day in Corvalis, they would have won it all. Defense was unbelievable. Since then, its been a long slide into irrelevance. My apologies...

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

I found seasons 1-2 of Barry to be excellent. Season 3 was eh. Was season 4 anything other than pretentious, self-indulgent, nonsense, or am I just not smart enough to see the brilliance of it? I'm open to acknowledging the latter.

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

A peacock haiku for @kathrynbarger :

Foul smells and fowl sounds
That's life in LA County
Will it ever end?!

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

For @kathrynbarger

Squawk, squawk, all night long.
Pea poop plagues Pasadena.
Shoot them, I cannot.

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

@kathrynbarger

Squawk, squawk, all night long.
Pea poop plagues Pasadena.
Shoot them, I cannot.

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

A week has passed, and still no word from the county's peacock police. I shall produce a daily haiku for @kathrynbarger until they arrive to save me:

Peacocks! Damn peacocks!
More feculence on my porch.
Alas, government.

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

@AlyssaMGray1 @kathrynbarger They attack black cars because they see their reflection. One attacked our chrome grill. They really are pea-brained.

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

Just did my daily washing of peacock crap off my porch @kathrynbarger. I'm including a picture of them on their way to crap on my roof all night. I was powerless to do anything about it, of course. Also, a shot of one about to damage my neighbor's car.

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

@RabbiHayon @kathrynbarger I got a response from her office! (She's actually one of the few sane local officials.)

[Joshua Garroway @JoshuaGarroway]

@kathrynbarger Can the county government please do something about the peacock infestation in San Pasqual. I'm tired of them crapping on my roof and porch EVERY night because my neighbor feeds them. Every single night.