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[anirudh @AnirruptedMind]

Text me if it’s urgent, call me if it’s funny

[Grimace Smoking Weed @high_grimace]

going to bar trivia and writing in "Who gives a shit?" for every single answer

[mar @itsmariannnna]

losing my mind at this email i sent to a boy who had a crush on me in 2008

[trash jones @jzux]

wish there was a daily rate limit on my thoughts

[bela @sweeterbela]

goodmorning quick question are you fucking kidding me

[buerix ★ @buerabuerabuera]

in my lover era 💘🤭💌🫶🏼💋
(I'm drunk in the back of the car and I cried like a baby coming home from the bar)

[draculaura @DRACULAURlTA]

Dating a coworker is so crazy. you can not be that lonely

[dana donnelly @danadonnelly]

is he calling me crazy to gaslight me or is he simply alerting me to a reality? as a crazy person i have to consider both options.

[trash jones @jzux]

she’ll text you back bro, she’s just screenshotting your message and sending it to a 10-person group chat with the caption “oof”

[Jaclyn A. Siegel, PhD @jacasiegel]

Bro, just come skiing with me. Lift tickets cost $150 per day and you can rent skis for another $50 and you can get a lesson for another $120. It’s so fun and your risk of injury is so high. C’mon bro, you won’t feel your hands & you’ll get sunburn on your face. Bro.

[Grace @gracecamille_]

ok sorry but “get over it” is really good advice most of the time

[Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman]

“12’ tall…because apparently that matters.” - the Home Depot Skeleton’s Tinder bio

[dana donnelly @danadonnelly]

if you’re awake and he is asleep… honey face the facts he literally hates you

[James @CaucasianJames]

apologize for bringing hater energy to the timeline. had to bring someone down to bring myself up. middle school behavior

[Danny DeVito @DannyDeVito]

Supreme Court my ass

[trash jones @jzux]

dream blunt rotation

[Gail Walden @GailWalden6]

It is perfect weather to spend money

[Casey James Salengo @caseyJsalengo]

I was against abortion until I was 14 and talked to literally one woman about it some of you should try that out

[James @CaucasianJames]

so what do u want us to do? fight?