Joy Nystrom

What if life really is just a dick in a box?

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

I love running in my neighborhood because everyone thinks I'm a celebrity, everyone wants to marry me, and people even join me for small parts of my run. I've never felt more loved and accepted in a community. #burnsiderunner

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

I love when people are like "if you pay attention to my Facebook you would see my jokes I'm working on". Listen Steve, I don't sit around and wait for you to post on Facebook, who do I look like your grandma?

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

I am running in the NYC Marathon for Charity- The Autistic Self Awareness Network. Helping to make our society a more inclusive place! Help me reach my fundraising goals for the 2022 TCS New York City Marathon Fundraising! https://t.co/olhHdQhnBL

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

If anyone ever thought I was smooth with men let me tell ya I’m great.

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

Is it acceptable to send someone a calendly link for a date? Like pencil yourself in where most convenient.

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

A 30 minute lunch on a ten hour shift is actually a crisis

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

Writing men off in my taxes because I feel I’m really donating to charity here.

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

Love filling out applications cause it’s like “what are your professional accomplishments?” And I’m like “I’m a certified breeder with an 80% conception rate”. And nobody gets it.

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

Love that a man tried to come for me for one of my jokes and said that me comparing myself to a Meerkat was taking aware from his entire comedic career. Imagine being so insecure that you think one female’s joke will end your entire career. IMAGINE.

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

Honestly the fact that my ex is cutting a wheel of cheese I gave him- without me, cuts deeper than the breakup.

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

Really wish sororities were a thing in adulthood so when I have a bringer show in comedy I can be like “hey girls I need 12 of you 7pm at this bar- show up” and 40 girls would roll up for the cause.

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

Love how I slept at my friend’s house last night and the first thing he asked in the morning was “did you do sex on my couch”.

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

My friends asked me last night who had the best set at my going away comedy show and I said “the set that let me call the cops on a man” honestly- one of my fave moments of 2021.

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

About to post my joke about getting broken up with on NYE on insta but like IS THAT TOO FAR?

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

I’ve started getting targeted ads for breast reduction surgery and I’m just not sure they know who I am. I don’t even have tits to begin with. I can’t reduce them any further.

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

I’ve never been the person to ask for something back after a breakup but like we’re talking about a wheel of cheese here- that’s a full child

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

Do you announce your single in a hot Instagram post or like how does it work?

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

Let me tell you how I rolled up to a dick appointment with expired condoms.

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

Me friendzoning people “I love friends” “FREINDSSSSS” “BESTIESSSSSSSS” “such FRIENDSSSS”. It’s not working out friends.

[Joy Nystrom @JoyNystrom]

Love that my credit card flags a $90 flight to Boston as fraud but I buy a $850 flight to Germany and it’s no questions asked.