jpatts

[jpatts @Jpatts]

In the republic of jkpatty you have the choice of two political parties: Crocs or Scotch Eggs

[jpatts @Jpatts]

You know when you picture an outfit in your head and you put it on and it just doesn’t work then you panic and have to figure out a backup outfit? Today the outfit worked and now I’m ready for work over an hour early cause I didn’t need a backup outfit

[jpatts @Jpatts]

I quit my job today so if anyone out there owes me money now is the time to send it on over

[jpatts @Jpatts]

I didn’t trust the girl making my coffee the second she said eXpresso

[jpatts @Jpatts]

@goooawayyy I had the exact same moment this week!!!!

[jpatts @Jpatts]

@goooawayyy Imagine an all encompassing title like “mom”

[jpatts @Jpatts]

@Hart1Joel Damn, you’re right

[jpatts @Jpatts]

a guy in gastown told me I was “the best dressed in vancouver” so you can all go home now

[jpatts @Jpatts]

Haven’t needed a tums in 24hrs so I’m THRIVING

[jpatts @Jpatts]

fart bottom girls you make the fartin world go round

[jpatts @Jpatts]

I love storms, but my dog gets scared and the amount of sirens you hear through the night gives me anxiety so 😇 😈

[jpatts @Jpatts]

took me 9 episodes of Gilmore girls to clean my room today so

[jpatts @Jpatts]

I have actually cried, like *literally* shed tears over this multiple times @danjlevy @netflix

[jpatts @Jpatts]

Also if you defend these like “they’re just funny and cute” no, they’re not sorry bye

[jpatts @Jpatts]

If I see one more “Bach that ass up” or “One dick forever” sign at a bachelorette party I’m going to combust… the first one is just annoying the second ??????? If you don’t want that 1 dick forever or if that’s such a bad thing, maybe marriage isn’t for you????????????

[jpatts @Jpatts]

Me: I have no cute business casual clothes for work!
Also Me: Only buys XXL blank T shirts and Harley shirts

[THOM BROWNE. @ThomBrowne]

… cheers …
happy birthday dan levy.

@danjlevy
#thombrowne #danlevy

[i like food @messedupfoods]

hotdog and pickle meat jelly

[virgobaby @maybeeevirgo]

she’s a 10 but she’s stressed everyday about everything

[jpatts @Jpatts]

@littljeanjacket Phew!

[jpatts @Jpatts]

Does the water I chug at 3am count as my glass of water before my morning coffee??