Brandon James

I am just a man trying to make it in a woman's world.

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

@lindsaylohan on @chelseahandler's chelsey lately leads me to believe that even a rock, with proper writing, can host a comedy central show.

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

I am never more drunk with power than when someone puts their turn signal on and I allow then into my lane, giving them my wave of approval

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

Why didn't Brad Pitt name his production company Coat Hanger?

[Coach Metta @MettaWorld37]

They waived the buns because the lettuce put them over the salary cap. I went into the restaurant furious. "No more whole grain buns. What!"

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

Remember when Dane Cook tried acting? Or even worse, when he tried comedy #danecookjokesneverdie #danecook #whitegirlwednesday

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

When im in traffic I mostly think about monster trucks n driving monster trucks over the traffic and that sort of stuff #sundaysundaysunday

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

If you're an ugly person, drive an ugly car. I hate looking in nice cars and being disappointed #whitegirlwednesday #yolo

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

I feel like I'm in a Viagra commercial #ArrestedDevelopment #BuyAPuppetOrSomething #ExpressOurselves

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

I want to have an @rkelly Trapped In The Closet party where we watch the entire 22 chapter music video, and dress as different characters

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

Just a fleeting thought: You can receive a ticket for not wearing your seatbelt and then there's motorcycles. #cmonman #whitegirlwednesday

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

Helping @_katiemae pick out some cute work shoes #fashionxploration #whitegirlwednesday #nofilter

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

I got flipped off as a woman tried to merge n cut across 3 lanes while holding her phone to her face. im not mad, im impressed #womendrivers

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

that moment in post when you watch yourself slate for camera and think, 'I'm a dime.' #accidentalselfie #whitegirlwednesday #dimepiece

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

Kevin Durant is a beast #blackdontcrack #giveupwhiteathletes #frappuccinohappyhour

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

White pants are for Andrew WK and Columbian drug lords. If you aren't either, please refrain #CLIPPERNATION #whitegirlwednesday #whitepower

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

it's so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a 20-something male #nofilter #RiRiWoo #RickRoss #yolo

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

What does this neighborhood have against the Ninja Turtles? #hatersgonnahate #nofilter

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

Day 1 of feature done. It's all downhill from here

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

This is the stuff that makes FBI agents in a league of their own http://t.co/aCC6cQnuzW #nofilter

[Brandon James @JrandonBames]

Did everyone hear the breaking news?! Thank goodness Kim's divorce finally went thru. #manhunt