Juan Mendoza

Genio, carismático y enamorado. I'm gonna live forever

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

@ABDELAESPRIELLA Gracias presidente, por favor no le suelte el pedal al acelerador durante todo su mandato. Tiene todo el apoyo de los buenos, dentro y fuera del país

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

@LeagueOfi Hicieron ese mierdero por un pedazo de tela? Para que quieren un pedazo de tela estos desadaptados hijueputas? Para poner cortinas en sus casas? Sarta de estúpidos ineptos por qué siguen libres en las calles y no están en un manicomio o presos?

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

@ElGolGarracol Platica*

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

@KMbappe Pensé que en Suramérica no íbamos a tener un país más odiado que Chile por su selección. Y pues me equivoqué

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

@stoolpresidente Get the fuck out of our sport you ignorant bastard, no matter what you do, tomorrow you’ll be kicked out of the tournament you cheater piece of shit

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

@2010MisterChip No me ilusiones que de pronto te creo y sufro del corazón.

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

@2010MisterChip Lo que queda claro es que Almirón es estúpido y no sabe seguir las reglas del juego

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

@hernanorjuela @AbelardoPTE Leo a todos los bodegueros haciendo comentarios horribles y recuerdo que eran el gobierno por la paz y no entiendo nada. Gentuza pagada por una sarta de ladrones. Bien ahí @hernanorjuela

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

@petrogustavo Es completamente impresentable este tipo. Trato de entender en que posible escenario, escribir eso es una buena idea, pero ni la IA logró explicarlo. También me imagino la cara de vergüenza de los que defendían esto, deben sentirse insignificantes

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

@petrogustavo @MafeCarrascal Espero que hayan aprendido la lección y no le vuelvan a dar un solo voto a esta sarta de inoperantes, ladrones y mentirosos. Nunca más un guerrillero al poder

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

@CMonteroOficial Gustavo Petro

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

@D_A140931 @tupoetatierno @maicajamarca_ @estoescambio Le dejo una fábula que reflexione. El problema real no es que el burro petrista no entienda de estadística. El problema es que es un voto, así sea de un idiota, que vale igual que el suyo y el mío.

Fábula el tigre, el burro y el león https://t.co/lvtshaqp3Q vía @YouTube

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

@lfc_lance Zlatan

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

@UtdBloke_ Uruguay

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

@juanma_rguez @abc_es Pon el link por favor

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

Con Lasso sacamos al lelo al son de #AndresNoMientasOtraVez. Ya tenemos eslogan. #LuisaTeDesdolariza

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

@VanessaOrtizz Es parodia esta cuenta, cierto? Eso o le pagan mucho por decir estupideces

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

@ElectricaQuito buenas noches, sin luz en sector de nueva Cumbaya. Esto es algo temporal o incumplieron su palabra con el tema de los apagones?

[Juan Mendoza @Juanstrw]

@MillosFCoficial Se burlaron de Falcao. Lanzaron pirotecnia en el entretiempo como que fueran campeones. Salieron en los cambios a trote de marrano diabético. Y aún así les empatamos en la puta casa