Jubhele Shange

An #AfricanChild with a heaven citizenship I'm that clay thats in the Potters hands A struggling intern #Blesser/#Moreki #KingOfPettiness #SuperDad

[Khaya Sithole @CoruscaKhaya]

Ibuyile intwana🤣🤣🤣

[Dan Corder 📺 @DanCorderOnAir]

Tonight we’re covering National Health Insurance, the MK Party, and Eskom’s winning streak. Also tonight’s show is 9.30pm 🚨 see you nownow

[Bebé @NoozBebe_]

Shortened #SONA2024

• Mourn thy neighbour- Namibian prez.
• Remember that horrible time in 1994? 😉 Vote emotionally.
• Cue in Mandela's name and that one famous Zulu king.
• Talk of the constitution and imaginary kumbaya session between South Africans of different backgrounds.
• Bragging about creating opportunities that, and I quote, "never existed before."
• 2008 global recession blamed for local poverty.
• Putin and Zelensky's war also got stray bullets.
• Money was stolen from the government, by government. Everyone knows all who are implicated, but we're all just gonna wait for one of them to die off or something. State capture!
• More thinly veiled jibes at Jay-Z now that he's got a new gig.
• Covid. Bladdy covid.
• Men are beating and killing women. Guys we gotta do something about it. Anyway...
• Climate change, hey.
• Tinswalo was born in 1994 and we're going to use her life as an analogy for this country's devolution. (I'd hate to be Tinswalo)
• Tinswalo lived a state-funded life so she's lucky to be alive because we funded her existence.
• I'm mentioning some facts that you're aware of as an ordinary South African so that you can see that I'm aware of things. Unemployment. Uhm... youths are unemployed. The Unemployment of youths. Yes.
• We have more black managers in the country (the country where the majority is black. Yes that country.)
• Let's rebuild (the things that our government neglected for years)
• State capture! Again.
• We're going to end loadshedding. One day. Some day. At some point in time.
• We're building more power lines over the next 5 years. 😉 vote for my party.
• There's a new fund to steal from: the Climate Change Response fund. Yay!
• There was traffic at our ports. We haven't fully cleared it, but we want you to know that we know. Also, the war in the Middle-East means we can gain by being a docking station. Hello Vasco da Gama.
• More people have Internet because of us (✋️😀 daddy, that's a global thing hey.)
• There will be a really really fast train between Joburg and Durbs. (But sir, the slower, cheaper train has failed for years now...)
• We're going to end loadshedding. You'll see. Stru. Mafra. I swear.
• On employment, we're doing great guys. Forget what I said earlier. We created jobs. We're also giving out free money.
• People are dying later in life now (so that they can enjoy this pitiful existence for an extended period. Yay)
• You think you have no water? Huh?! Apartheid was worse. Enjoy watershedding, you thankless lot.
• Political jargon and gibberish to pass time and make the speech longer.
• Crime! Ohhh we're definitely dealing with those guys hey. Look at all the security forces we're forming. We're fighting crime. Bringing our bicycles to an F1 race right here, baby. Winning!
• We are solving global wars! Well, not solving, but saying something about it. (READ: We are writing stern letters to the BBC.)
• Mention of Africa, for ambiance.
• Covid again.
• Cue in the violins as I speak like we're equals.
• We've been through a lot together, guys.
• I know what you're thing through.
• Democracy. My party. Economic growth.
• Apartheid. Jibe at EFF.
• I was physically there when the constitution was penned. In not your mate. I'm superior.
• The next 30 years are gonna be a jol, guys. (lol)
• Cue in the Mandela quote. Blah blah, fishpaste.
• "Like Madiba, we must keep moving, always forward." (Does he know about 5 Dec 2005? 👀)

[Jubhele Shange @Jubhele]

@gugulethunkala Bayalunga 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Jubhele Shange @Jubhele]

@MaBlerh Ish

lomama wakhahlelwa yihhashi

Msindisi! 🤣

[Jubhele Shange @Jubhele]

Ish, waze wakhuluma umuntu ngomama womuzi. Kodwa ke naye lomama ..... Jesu!!!🙆🏾‍♀️😭

[𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒂𝒍𝒕 𝑶𝒇 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑬𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒉 @Shadaya_Knight]

DON'T BE A WILL SMITH

Will Smith could have easily been remembered as one of the best actors of his generation but he will now be remembered as the poster boy for simping. His image is ruined beyond repair, all because he picked a damaged woman for a wife. This is why it is very important to avoid damaged women

Many men suffer from the "save a damsel in distress" syndrome. This is a result of being programmed that women are these innocent beings, if they're damaged in any way, a man must step up to save them. What this mentality fails to recognize is, these women are not victims but architectures of their own misery

There's a saying, water seeks it's level, meaning guys who think or tell women with bad men things like "he doesn't deserve you, you're better than this" are too stupid to realize that's her actual type. She doesn't need any saving, she's right where she should be

Will Simp formerly Will Smith made the mistake of trying to save Jada Pinket, this was a woman who had been around a thug, fascinated, obsessed with this thug, Tupac. He thought it was his chance when Tupac died to prove to Jada, how much of a better man he was.

This was his biggest mistake ever, because if a woman has a history of rewarding evil, she'll not appreciate goodness. Sure she may accept the good gestures but she will not appreciate them. And eventually, sooner or later, she'll punish you for it. It's not a matter of IF but WHEN

There's that saying never take a wounded stray home, because once it's healed, it will bite you and go back to the streets where you found it. In simple terms, yes a damaged woman can be with you, the good guy (out of desperation) and she'll be accepting of your good gestures, treating her like a queen. But in reality she'll always thirst for that bad boy who treated her like shit

She doesn't want to be pedestalized but objectified. As twisted as that is, that's just how it is, she will reward the sins of strength and punish the good deeds of weakness. Now with this knowledge, don't try to go and about trying to be captain save a thot, let damaged women be

You will never be a damaged woman's greatest lover, she'll always compare you to that shitty guy. She's emotionally cold to kindness, care or love, she'll interpret it as weakness. Her emotions can only be triggered by the opposite of that. Meaning if you want to deal with a damaged woman (which I strongly disagree with) then you will have to match or overshadow the toxicity of every other man she's been involved with

But is it worth it, instead you can just go for a woman who hasn't been damaged. Learn OR perish!!!

[Jubhele Shange @Jubhele]

@gugulethunkala @NqubekoMbatha Eyi bhuti, you taking us through memories

And then there was another show where there was a sofa on stage 🤣

#Nqbkm

[Mmusi Maimane MP @MmusiMaimane]

How do we fix our education system. I have a rescue plan that can get our education system on track in five years.

You can read a summary here 👇🏾

https://t.co/YrANAHysIw

[Jubhele Shange @Jubhele]

There is an @AndileNcube 🤣🤣🤣 in every group of friends beware guys

[JP Lacour | @jpaskalina]

Diamond thinking Andile came to surprise him at Zari’s house 💀💀 #YoungFamousAndAfrican #youngfamousAfrican

[Jubhele Shange @Jubhele]

@missnobuhle_ Eh👀👀👀

[life-coach|Speaker| Yvette Ratshikhopha📚🌍 @Yvette_Aloe]

Try Namibia instead, same flight cost,less racism,lovely beaches and more things to do. 💛

[Jubhele Shange @Jubhele]

@missnobuhle_ 🤣🤣🤣 ogabhadiya madoda.

Go in there.

[Jubhele Shange @Jubhele]

🤯hectic

@missnobuhle_ what if he is a serial killer usazowuthatha umendo lowo

[Ran out of Yohs! @missnobuhle_]

@KayFeeLow Nobody’s stopping you from leaving that marriage some of us will gladly take over, leave your marriage hun, let us take over for you

[Jubhele Shange @Jubhele]

#UkhozifmNYE #DJHLO

[Ukhozi FM Official 📻 @ukhozi_fm]

#UkhoziFMNYE NO 1 DJ Hlo - Isibani - 214966 votes

[John Rampton @johnrampton]

The best gifts for men: 50+ ideas for the man in your life https://t.co/jzPt20UfC9

[Jubhele Shange @Jubhele]

Be careful of people who put salt in their mealie meal for amasi... they may also put some salt to the truth too 🙄

NB: This is #Allegedly !!! I don't have 100k🤣🤣🤣

#Sizwe #Unathi

[Jubhele Shange @Jubhele]

I wanted to set the record straight by asking uMakhabela ukuthi why were you late?

Ngaphenduleka on this tweet.

Kodwa ke why did it get heated since throw forward is not that important compared to the actual show?

#ThomasAndSkhumba

[TK_Nala @NalaThokozane]

Celebrating our football legends while they are still alive 🎉🏆💯⚽️

Denmark 🇩🇰 FC Copenhage giving Sibusiso Zuma his flowers 🥺❤️🤩

[Jubhele Shange @Jubhele]

Here is @bayanda 's head

[busani ngcaweni @busani_ngcaweni]

Why public sector accounting offers loose hair quickly…

[Jubhele Shange @Jubhele]

YooooH😳😳 Musicians jumping to Amapiano wave and rebranding themselves!!! We have #YE 's in SA.

Gospel Artists haven't tried Amapiano..? Bo'bhuti nithini @NqubekoMbatha @gugumbuku 😂😂😂😂