Lewis England

Funnyman, Man of the People and Heavy Drinker. Opinions are my own but truths are universal. Member of #BloomComCol.

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

Giving stand up a go in the north for the very first time next Tuesday thanks to @ComedyCellarV. It's in Leeds. Read in to that how you like

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

Chocolate chip hob nobs are a stupid idea. Who thought it would be a good idea to make job nobs more fragile?

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

It is boiling! Wot the hell is up with this northern weather? Hot, pissing down, hot, pissing down, make up your mind! #warmpissupnorth

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

The worst thing about feather pillows is the feathers. I like the pillow, but occasionaly it looks like an exploded goose.

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

Tea finished, washing up done, cuppa made, kids apparently asleep, although it sonds like the beds keep walking around and whispering #nomug

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

Tea time! The one meal of the day I feel sorry for vegetarians, it must be hard being that smug in the face of bacon. #carnivore

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

The best fing about being self employed is you get to choose ur own hours. The worst fing is those hours consist of every waking to make it.

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

Life is like a box of chocolates, except the little guidebook has been lost, you're allergic to nuts and one in five is praline. #thatslife

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

I'm not saying UKIP voters are cunts, but... They represent a threat of economic and moral decay in this great country. Vote anyone else.

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

Another day, another dollar. Surely they should be paying more than five dollars a week #overworkedunderpaidunderappreciated

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

Important question of the day: "Dad, why is your face so hairy?" Kids eh? Don't they know their every question can be answered by Google?

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

On the sofa with a cuppa. Kids are in bed, missus is watching TV, I am being. Is there any better way to be?

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

Too many people today. I know the number of people in existence doesn't change much but they're not usually all in my way #ihatetourists

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

#WhenFacebookWasDown I had to go round to my mates one by one and tell them I was eating beans and might watch a film later. It took weeks.

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

@sdheaven Saw you once before in Harrogate I think it was. You're one of those one liners aren't you? Liked your stuff anyway.

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

I miss being able to smoke in pubs, restaurants, cinemas, train carriages and anywhere public, but then I've always been a people person.

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

It's also true that pubs smell better after the smoking ban, if the definition of "better" has been changed to mean "like sugar and vomit".

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

Remember the nineties, when saying "bummer" to someone showed compassion and didn't draw allegations of homophobia? Bummer eh?

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

Still feel a bit wrong about asking people to follow me. At least real stalkers get some fresh air and exercise #ihavenofriends

[Lewis England @JustLikeLew]

@Glinner Pretty new to this so sorry if I'm bothering you, just wanted to say I'm a big fan of Father Ted and The IT Crowd.