Franklin P. Melvin

Bitin' bitches and takin' names. I am every turtle-parent's worst nightmare. Also, unicorns are not mythical. I would know, 50% of me is from unicorn descent.

[Franklin P. Melvin @Just_Shellin]

I hate tequila.

#AprilFoolsFuckers

[Franklin P. Melvin @Just_Shellin]

Mom didn't take me home for Christmas with the family.
THAT BITCH!!

[Franklin P. Melvin @Just_Shellin]

Just got back from the vet.. Have a respiratory infection... Shots for the next 30 days #IHateMyMom

[Franklin P. Melvin @Just_Shellin]

@meridithgr is too hungover to remember that Slap Ass Saturday was yesterday. #smellycooter

[Franklin P. Melvin @Just_Shellin]

Mom. Are you alive? @Mmerp_alert

[Franklin P. Melvin @Just_Shellin]

Bitches going to stampede w/o me!! @meridithgr @j_spath @Mmerp_alert @layintheshwade @KalamityKEALY @court26knee @hiimmac #HateYouAll

[Franklin P. Melvin @Just_Shellin]

@meridithgr clearly my mom cares-- she left me home alone all weekend!!

[Franklin P. Melvin @Just_Shellin]

For Mother's Day, I'm gonna shit in my tank. Love you mom! @Mmerp_alert

[Condescending Wonka @OhWonka]

You think your life is hard? Just think, there’s a turtle out there that has been flipped on its back and can't get up. Fuck your problems.

[Franklin P. Melvin @Just_Shellin]

@Mmerp_alert who is this @justaturtIe ?? And why are they tweeting like they're a real turtle?! #Imposter

[Franklin P. Melvin @Just_Shellin]

@j_spath @_abbychristine @Mmerp_alert @meridithgr

I can make your cheeks hurt too. #sloots

[Abby Eastman @_abbychristine]

@Just_Shellin @j_spath @meridithgr we went to the fish market. ... (big deep inhale) morning ladies. ..

[Franklin P. Melvin @Just_Shellin]

Bastards went out without me!! @j_spath @meridithgr @_abbychristine

[Franklin P. Melvin @Just_Shellin]

Hey guys, remember when you guys were supposed to let me swim in tequila?! #assholes @j_spath @meridithgr @Mmerp_alert

[Franklin P. Melvin @Just_Shellin]

Hi, BITCHES. Did you forget about me?

[Franklin P. Melvin @Just_Shellin]

@j_spath I don't miss you

[Franklin P. Melvin @Just_Shellin]

@_abbychristine thanks, I feel like you're the only one that cares about me since leaving the fishbowl #depressedturtle

[Franklin P. Melvin @Just_Shellin]

It is not okay that both #Thanksgiving and #Christmas are trending right now. What about #Hanukah? #Kwanza? #BoxingDay? #PearlHarborDay?

[Franklin P. Melvin @Just_Shellin]

#CelebritiesIWantToSeeNaked Tits McGee

[Franklin P. Melvin @Just_Shellin]

#CelebritiesIWantToSeeNaked Will Ferrell