Kirsten Mortensen

[Kirsten Mortensen @K3hRoc]

@usanaamp @Disturbed Yo what’s wrong with the sound?????

[Chris Porter @IamChrisPorter]

Man, who would’ve thought Jonah Hill would turn out to be an asshole?

Oh, everyone?

Huh.

[Vinny Thomas @vinn_ayy]

hey you guys, as a reminder, please don’t “save” couches if you find them outside. The mother is probably nearby and she will reject it if it smells like people.

[Kirsten Mortensen @K3hRoc]

@FullBlownMltdwn LOWCOUNTRY - @EnvyOnTheCoast

[Kirsten Mortensen @K3hRoc]

@brosaleigh Good fucking job. Fuck that guy.

[Kirsten Mortensen @K3hRoc]

@brosaleigh Love to see it. You need the purple iPhone too.

[steph @steph_mcca]

i wish china had more of my data. maybe someone will finally fucking understand me

[National Park Service @NatlParkService]

Most squirrel bites originate at the front, or “bitey end,” of the squirrel.

[Kirsten Mortensen @K3hRoc]

@oranicuhh Again and again too, just killing it.

[Kirsten Mortensen @K3hRoc]

@FullBlownMltdwn @MikeVallely and Black Flag. I was their hospitality for a show and it was by far the easiest day…Mike was very apologetic for me having to do my job, and invited the venue crew to hang out after the show. Super cool dude!

[Kirsten Mortensen @K3hRoc]

@peirslouise Cool fucking hat, bro.

[Kandon @KandonDortch]

stop sending long paragraphs & messages explaining how you feel, just don't say anything. I've learned that it doesn't matter what you say, if they don't care they just don't. And nothing you say will change that. Keep your guard up. Don't waste your time and energy.

[Stacy Cay @stacycay]

Jon Stewart: “What’s the leading cause of death among children in this country? And I’m gonna give you a hint: it’s not drag show readings”

[Eli McCann @EliMcCann]

In 2013 a woman in my ward told me gay marriage is a sin is because sex is meant for procreation so I asked her if Russell Nelson was sinning since he got married in his 80s and she told me it was gross to judge a stranger's "intimacy" and I said "exactly" and she started crying.

[Kirsten Mortensen @K3hRoc]

Missing eye contact on purpose with literally only one “person” at work is my favorite thing to do.

[ashley fairbanks @ziibiing]

All the “ADHD is over diagnosed” hot takes fail to consider that maybe our brains weren’t meant to live this way. Three generations ago my great-grandma was living a subsistence life in the bush. I just want to smoke some fish and pick some berries, not keep my inbox at zero.

[Kirsten Mortensen @K3hRoc]

@dealerofsouls Yo, the accuracy though.

[asia @dealerofsouls]

Grownup friendships consist giving Christmas presents to each other the following February