@fullfl0wer i think more than just exhausting it’s also not really beneficial to most relationships, not that you shouldn’t be considerate but being as organic and immediate as possible removes an alienating layer of artifice created by moderating yourself too much
@am_bound i’ll persist, i owe it to those who love me and i’ve been lucky enough to have plenty of love in my life. i’m just not proud of who i am and that hurts, it feels like a disservice to everyone who believes in me but i really don’t feel capable of more - i can’t even be sober !!!!
i have zero faith in myself to make anything of my life or any hope i’ll ever be beautiful - seems awfully tragic to be brainless and busted forever :/
@am_bound i’ve felt powerless for as long as i can remember and i worry i don’t desire anything enough, really im quite pathetic and hoping for more just seems like im kidding myself. ty tho i do want to believe that, but ive always let myself down
absolutely horrified to find a time i journaled (a thing i rarely do) while angry and incredibly drunk. its bad enough to recall intoxicated behaviour, reading my actual drunk thoughts makes me wanna rip her off the page and slap her UGH what a cunt!