KOLmedy - $4.8b to go the moon and back!

KOLmedy is the PARODY universe where crypto KOLs go to embarrass themselves! Launched on Jupiter, 9/2/25
CA: H4nSCjtNzE4KXzzEbruqHYQJykMF7TRoTQuzFF4wjupx

[KOLmedy - $4.8b to go the moon and back! @KOLmedyX]

A certain KOL APPEARS to have just compared himself to Jesus, and someone else to a certain other guy from history. We imagine if our character Supopomang did this with Zitler, it'd look like this:

Join us for ZANY WACKYNESS
https://t.co/TMZYWVlmYk
https://t.co/Wjtq9LcfVt
@MichaelSuppo
@Cryptogains9

[KOLmedy - $4.8b to go the moon and back! @KOLmedyX]

Are you folks still active? We CTO'd luckycoin a little while back and we didn't see any activity here - maybe we didn't look in the right place - we grew it to about $175k but you know how it goes, jeeters jeet at the 1st sign of profit! Can we collab? The community is at https://t.co/DJUAJmsWuD and our tg group is at https://t.co/NOsCBUWByT - we have a lucky CTO section in there

[KOLmedy - $4.8b to go the moon and back! @KOLmedyX]

BOND US ALREADY, cowards! We had ALREADY bonded, but noooo you wanted 100% LP lock. So, we re-launched with a whole new management team, we did away with the 50% LP - what ELSE do you want from us? Look at all this KOLmedy, half-off - now, we'll pay PAY you to take it off our hands! We're not done! We'll give you ONE FREE KOLmedy with every payment! We may be down, but not out! We're STILL here grinding! Support us for more craziness =)
https://t.co/TMZYWVlmYk
https://t.co/Wjtq9LcfVt

[KOLmedy - $4.8b to go the moon and back! @KOLmedyX]

@Cryptogains9 A certain someone you know apparently just compared himself to Jesus LOL - We thought you guys would like this. Enjoy.

[KOLmedy - $4.8b to go the moon and back! @KOLmedyX]

We made this image in your honor not long ago =) People JUST can't HODL! We invested at $35k and have been patiently HODLing and waiting for it to bond. And we KNOW it will. NopeCat to the MOON! Don't fade great projects like NopeCat, folks! LET. IT. BOND!

[KOLmedy - $4.8b to go the moon and back! @KOLmedyX]

Can't we all just learn to HODL?! Seriously, you guys are fading excellent projects for quick-gain 2x's - don't forget, projects need care and community. Too many nowadays jump ship for $5 when it could have become $500 - DYOR but HODL! https://t.co/aeVaOj0rai

[KOLmedy - $4.8b to go the moon and back! @KOLmedyX]

We've officially CTO'd Luckycoin! Watch this space! Our Dev team is working to make this coin claim it's true rightful glory as the DOGE's father. The DOGEfather looms with luck for all. Starting from a $20k market cap to valuation PAST DOGE! Rightfully!

[KOLmedy - $4.8b to go the moon and back! @KOLmedyX]

Check out the community WE created! https://t.co/nxhVUbflQm

[KOLmedy - $4.8b to go the moon and back! @KOLmedyX]

WOW THE MARKET IS NUTS
EVERYTHING IS GREEN
EVERYTHING IS TRENDING
EVERYONE IS RICH
What should I buy?
Can I get a GM?
Forget GM, I'll even take a Yugo at this point.
Can someone give me a ride today?
Oh, the things we hear in crypto.
https://t.co/TMZYWVlUNS
https://t.co/Wjtq9LcNL1
More bad advice awaits you.

[KOLmedy - $4.8b to go the moon and back! @KOLmedyX]

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL something smells really Bitty around here. It's all gone to Bit. Sorry Supopomang, this is the game we're all resigned to.
"We hate it when our friends become successful"

Our bad advice is FREE. https://t.co/aeVaOj0rai https://t.co/DUGE7QCXVo

[KOLmedy - $4.8b to go the moon and back! @KOLmedyX]

ETH dust = those tiny 0.0000x leftovers your wallet won’t move because the gas costs more than the ETH.
Crypto’s couch crumbs. One speck is nothing; across millions of wallets, it’s functionally off the market which means supply squeeze!

Just one of the little bits of info new investors get when joining our free community! https://t.co/TMZYWVlUNS https://t.co/Wjtq9LcNL1

[KOLmedy - $4.8b to go the moon and back! @KOLmedyX]

Hey folks, it's that time again to meet another one of our characters. This one's special.

Karosine, the Exalted - Token Immolator
Catchprase: “Let the flames cleanse what greed has corrupted.”

Origin: The Flame of Integrity
Karosine was once Kairo Cent, a brilliant but disillusioned smart contract auditor who watched helplessly as rug pulls, vaporware, and influencer pump schemes flooded the cryptosphere. After a catastrophic exploit drained a community treasury he’d helped secure, Kairo vanished from the public eye but vowed REVENGE.

Months later, he returned - not as a man, but as a myth. Cloaked in a mantle of fireproof code and wielding the Torch of Truth, he became Karosine, the Exalted Token Immolator. His mission: to burn away the rot, one scammy token at a time.

Powers & Arsenal
Token Purge Protocol: Karosine can scan a contract and instantly detect honeypots, hidden mint functions, and liquidity traps. If deemed malicious, he immolates it on-chain—leaving behind only a charred audit log.

Flame of Finality: A searing beam of light that targets influencer pump coins and melts their market caps into poetic justice.

His patented Gaslight Shield Reflects: FOMO, hype threads, and misleading tokenomics. Especially effective against “community experiments” with no roadmap.

The Ember Cloak: A living garment, woven from failed ICO whitepapers. It absorbs shill energy and converts it into righteous fury - which he then uses to bless the self-burnt tokens of the honest few devs. For the people.

[KOLmedy - $4.8b to go the moon and back! @KOLmedyX]

We have an X Space event coming up soon! Join us and help us bond - we'd love nothing more than to be able to continue poking fun at this insane world we call crypto.
https://t.co/aeVaOiZTkK
https://t.co/DUGE7QCq5Q

[KOLmedy - $4.8b to go the moon and back! @KOLmedyX]

It's day 3 of character time!

Welcome Runt Mooner.
Species: Hype elemental in human form
Role: Crypto influencer, thread tactician, exit liquidity architect
Vibe: Fast-talking, overconfident, and allergic to accountability

Origin Story
Runt Mooner was born fully formed and verified. His first words were “This is the most bullish chart I’ve ever seen,” referring to a token that had just rugged.

He doesn’t research. He doesn’t build. He doesn’t even hold. At best, he sells all positions in the morning and then buys back a completely different set. Runt Mooner's TRUE skill is velocity — the ability to tweet 12 bullish takes per hour, each more confident than the last, while never actually being in the trade for long.

His followers call him “The Oracle.” His critics call him “The Exit.” He calls himself “Early.”

Personality;
Never wrong: If a pick tanks, he says “I told you to DYOR.” If it pumps, he says “I called this weeks ago.”

[KOLmedy - $4.8b to go the moon and back! @KOLmedyX]

I’ve unlocked a rare trading skill: I call it: market inversion.
I go short—price pumps like it just snorted hopium off a ledger.
I go long—chart nose-dives like it saw my entry and said “nah.”
I’ve stopped checking TA. I just ask myself, “What would hurt most emotionally?” and do that.
At this point, I’m not trading—I’m donating liquidity with flair.
My portfolio isn’t red. It’s performance art.
The market doesn’t move. It reacts to me. Violently.
I am the top. I am the bottom. I AM: EXIT LIQUIDITY.