KRugg

That one egg was 40 eggs?

[Whitney @witlegit]

The small serious breathing of a baby who is considering eating the object he is studying in his hands.

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

all the other soldiers in the trojan horse: *wildly gesturing for me to stop*

me: *gesturing not to worry they’re for all of us while trying to very quietly open a bag of chips*

[NFL Memes @NFLMemes]

The NFL after the World Cup is finally over and they can revert all the natural grass back to artificial turf for the league's biggest stars to tear their ACLs on

[garshmo @garshmo]

What’s your phone number let me guess
poop poop poop - poop poop poop poop

[drank gore @thedarkprowler]

Door dashing a chicken patty sandwich from a middle school

[soup🌱 @thrluv]

they’re pissing me off at the pissing me off factory (my job)

[garshmo @garshmo]

At the age where it’s like that’s fine

[Cletus @__cletus___]

Putting suicide doors on a Nissan Leaf

[los :P @suolrac_]

women are kinda like strawberries. sometimes they at the grocery store

[carter hambley @carterhambley]

if I was a priest I’d make my side of the confession booth really big so I could run around

[Helen Kingston @kingstonwrites]

I wonder if the Virgin Mary was ever like, you can just call me Mary there's no need

[catarina camargo @cacmrg]

Is the jeremy renner app down for you guys too?

[m @msnetik]

do you think the furniture rehearsed Be Our Guest beforehand or was that the first-ever runthrough

[trash jones @jzux]

me texting a new friend: so excited to hang tomorrow! :) made a reservation for 7:30

me texting an old friend: did u know tjey found Ice Age in osama hard drive

[7/11 Truther @DaveMcNamee3000]

Jelly Roll makes music for the guy from your high school who you still follow on Instagram and is always at the DMV for some reason

[r @fowlerfiles]

this might be the funniest tweet ive ever read btw

[audrey @phlegmme]

Orville Redenbacher groped my thigh at a popcorn industry event in 2018

[carter hambley @carterhambley]

if a theatre calls themselves a “space” youre about to see some naked people

[salem @vodkaoatmilk]

what’s that milf cereal. With the strawberries

[jos @josiahhughes]

i just checked the santa tracker and it says he’s currently ovulating