This is partially true, but you are ignoring the upside.
Typical male-female arguments, boundaries, standards, and values are often shouldered by religion, freeing the husband from having to deal with them at all.
For example, our religion prohibits the isolation of unmarried men and women together in private. Hence, I never have to ask my wife or even say to my wife, "Hey, I'm not comfortable with you hanging out with such-and-such." She won't do it not only because she loves me, but mainly because of her relationship with Gd.
Same with me. There are lots of limits on what I can and cannot do, as well as expectations about my role as a husband. My wife and I never have to discuss or, worse, fight about these things because we both committed to them independently.
So yeah, sometimes it feels strange to ask a Rabbi or clergy member what to do in my own home. But I'd trade that any day for the lack of drama, conflict, bitterness, and powerlessness that many men feel trying to lead a spouse who decided she's now in her "independent era" or other such nonsense.
In 2022, my BBC team and I were travelling across the continent to popularise my podcast, Africa Daily, when we met Samuel and Esteri Tebandeke.
Ester was battling kidney failure and was being treated by the excellent team at Mulago Hospital.
What a powerful story of love it turned out to be.
Ester needed a kidney transplant, and Sam offered to donate his.
I teared up during the interview because of Sam’s deep commitment to his wife.
I saw their quiet determination to ensure that Esteri — an accomplished actor who had appeared in the acclaimed film Queen of Katwe — would pull through.
He loved her. She loved and deeply appreciated him.
They had raised half the money they needed and were struggling to find the rest — about $40,000.
I promised I would mention their case to President Museveni, whom I was due to meet a few days later.
When I met Mzee, I told him about them. Without hesitation, he instructed his then PPS, Kenneth Omona, to ensure Esther received the money she needed.
The cash was delivered. They travelled to India for the operation, and at first it seemed everything had gone well.
I stayed in touch with them, regularly checking on Esteri’s progress.
Yesterday, Sam sent me a voice note to say that his Esteri had passed away.
I am gutted.
Esteri was young, beautiful, and immensely talented. I wish she had lived much longer.
May she now rest peacefully after such a difficult few years.
I pray for Sam — one of the greatest men I have ever met.
May God grant him, and Ester’s family and friends, the fortitude they need to navigate these painful times.
If you want to destroy any society, take away the authority men have in their homes, and you will see depths of evil not witnessed before.
Patriarchy is not the problem. What we need is a recovery of masculinity that is honorable and oriented towards God.
God’s blessing and grace rest upon His ordinances in the creation order. To reject this is to reject His wisdom for order in the world.
Be killing sin, or it will kill you. It will not stop at your doorstep. It will consume your home, defile your marriage, corrupt your children, and choke your ministry until nothing holy remains.
Sin is not a mistake to manage but an enemy to destroy. God warned Cain, “Sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it” (Genesis 4:7). Every unconfessed sin waits like a predator, silent and patient, until it owns you.
The cross was not built for comfort. It was built for execution. Christ did not die to make peace with sin but to put it to death (Romans 6:6). If you refuse to crucify your flesh, your flesh will crucify everything pure in you.
Paul said, “If you live according to the flesh, you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live” (Romans 8:13). That is not advice. It is a command that separates the living from the dead. For “the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23).
Sin will never be content to wound. It kills slowly, but it kills surely. The only safe distance from sin is death - either Christ’s death for you, or your death under it.
So take up the sword of the Spirit and strike it daily. Be killing sin, for sin is already planning to kill you.
Written with inspiration from John Owen’s timeless warning: “Be killing sin, or sin will be killing you.”