I dunno… it feels like whatever I do, it’s not the right thing.
Writing my thoughts on here? Wrong.
Swallow down my thoughts, problems and feelings? Wrong.
Try to talk about them? Also wrong.
Just everything… and they say talking is the right thing to do. As if
Don't even have the motivation to play video games bcz of this shitty situation... i can't blame anyone for it, my brain is legit dogshit and it hurts so much. I just sit here for 10 hours straight and overthink everything.
My anxiety level is over 9000, I'm extremely afraid of loneliness and of being abandoned and that is the point why I'm extremely scared of getting to know ppl. Bcz of this shit. Exactly this shit that happened way too often in my life now... I hate it so so much
and also.........
WHY DO I NEED TO WRITE PPL FIRST?! I KNOW I'M FUCKING UNINTERESTING AND IT'S UNINTERESTING HOW I FEEL AND WHAT I DO (apparently) BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GODS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I DON'T WANNA MAKE THE FIRST MOVE EVERYTIME
I know I'm not perfect but why do ppl want me to be perfect? Why is it, that everything I say is weighted much higher than others? It's every frigging time.... I can't do this anymore like legit... since the panicattack yesterday I have a big headache bcz I overthink everything
That one thing that pisses me off the most?
Doing your utmost best and it's not enough.
I really don't want anymore...all I want is a peaceful life, be happy with the ppl I like and I care about. But even that isn't possible bcz apparently all I do is shit. Happines not allowed