@lights My wife gave me a shopping list and told me to go get the groceries. She didn't believe me when I told her the shopping cart wheels always lock whenever I go down the candy aisle ๐ฏ
@lights "...and they both lived happily ever after... until she discovered that mysterious ramp in the forest one day, and just KNEW she had to jump that sucker on her motorcycle *WHEEEEEE!!!!!* ๐
@lights My boss recently installed one of those 'Emergency Eye-Wash Bottles' at work yesterday...I swear I can see tiny little jellyfish, floating around inside it
@lights My boss really likes playing the lamest, cheesiest, worst music you can imagine on her computer while working. The worst part is? My girlfriend's developing the same taste in music ๐ถ
@lights "I tell you, it's not easy going to the dentist every month." "Gee Ken, are your teeth that bad?" "Naw, I just like hearing how my dentist's new swimming pool is coming along. Sure it's just a coincidence" ๐
@lights For yrs the food industry's been cutting back so much salt in processed foods & canned goods, I'm starting to look like that 'salt creature' from Star Trek ๐ถโ๐ซ๏ธ