if i ever found out a mouse lived in my home, and he had a small archway in the wall, and he lived in there with small, real furniture, and he ventured out nightly to get one olive or a small wedge of cheese. i would stop at nothing to end his life. i would spare no expense
Hate when you hire a shady mercenary in a tavern by throwing them a leather purse of gold coins they never give you the purse back. Im getting fucking murdered on leather purses here
another day volunteering at the heraclitus museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can step into the same river twice. buddy, you can't even step into the same river once
Mindy Kaling introducing Nancy Pelosi at the DNC:
“This woman was doing BRAT before BRAT was BRAT. Ladies and gentlemen, the mother of dragons, Nancy Pelosi!”