Kevedes

Never trust a poet.™

Writer, mostly, as this point.

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

"Many were increasingly of the opinion that they'd all made a big mistake in coming back to Twitter in the first place. And some said that even Facebook had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the MySpace." -eDouglas Adams 2.0

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

Canada geese are arrogant; you can see it in their eyes and the way they strut around all high and mighty. You're an overgrown duck! Move out of the way!

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

@Thebiglade Agreed: It's a terrible business model.

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

@Unmuted1Voice Only the hot ones do. #notallwomen

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

Those were all old. I dunno. I'm just dropping off old joke baggage, I guess. I don't really like Twitter. We'll see how long I last this time...

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

Joke: Trump's the first glam President. By the end of his term, he'll be eating fried banana sandwiches and wearing a cape and rhinestone leggings.

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

Joke: The great English writer George Bernard Shaw once said, "What time is it?" He said a lot of other things, too, but I'm sure he also said that.

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

Joke: I'd be a lot more excited about nanotechnology if I could find it.

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

Joke: Rosie O'Donnell is talking about joining The View. If I wanted to hear a lesbian and her friends complain for forty minutes, I could just hang out with my ex-wife.

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

Joke: Jesus said that after He is gone, He'll send an advocate in case we forget His teachings, which seems mysterious until you read it in the original Aramaic, which translates to "You'll hear from my lawyers."

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

Joke: They say cigarettes are more addictive than heroin. I believe it. The only thing more addictive than cigarettes is abusive women. Or at least that's what my mother told me to say.

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

Joke: For years, I've been trying to understand what it is that separates white Europeans from black Africans, and the only thing I can come up with is: The Sahara Desert.

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

Joke: I went to a store the other day called Christian Flooring. All they sold was swimming pools.

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

Joke: Both St. Paul and Mohammad had specific rules for how men should groom their hair and beards. Maybe they should've gotten together, tossed the Bible and the Koran, and started a men's fashion magazine. They could call it GQ: God Quarterly.

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

Joke: Between my ex-wife and me, we have four cats. My kids asked if we could build them a cat house. I said just take them to your grandma's.

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

Joke: I've struggled with my sobriety for years. Mostly, I've struggled with enjoying it.

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

Joke: Marriage is a lot like the movie Jurassic Park. At first you're mesmerized by this majestic creature, but then someone forgets to pay the electric bill, and you're hiding for your life in a stainless-steel kitchen.

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

Ok, I swear I'm only doing Twitter again because I'm bored and don't want to do real writing. Social media is worse than cigarettes.

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

@80s_channel Nope.

[Kevedes @Kevedes]

@LadymayLLC Shouldn't having sex with other men be on that list somewhere?