Kfir

I like quests and adventures

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

@ABC If his brain gets any worse, he should run for president.

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

@KTLA Hope the bike is ok

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

I feel like I'm always three dumps away from having flat abs.

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

@kron4news I think they got confused when they put it on airplane mode.

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

I only have one question: why should all lives not matter?

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

To this day, I still don't know what wrestling groups are real or fake.

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

I'd be a millionare if rain checks were worth money 💸💸💸

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

@ABC That's how you know it's serious, they invent new words!

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

If I had friends named Erasmus, Reginald, Atticus, Lucerne, Mortimer, Geneviève, Archibald, Constance, and Percival, I'd be a lot more successful.

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

@KTVU Rather eat prison food

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

@KTVU Me after Thanksgiving

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

I swipe left if you're holding a phone (do you not have friends to hold your phone?), can't afford a full outfit, multiple people in one photo (who are you?), live 7000 miles away (the ISS is only 150 miles away), have suspiciously large eyes, or are from Berkeley. That's fugazi.

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

I heard this word coitus interruptus. I think it's when you're binging your favorite netflix show and one episode before the finale someone texts you, "sup, wya, wyd?"
The finale has been bugging me all day.

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

@KTVU Wait, when did having sex become illegal? I thought the first amendment included the right to procreate. Can an amusement park supercede the US constitution?

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

Do you know why I pray to G-d? Because He answers your prayers right when you least expect to Hear from Him.

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

I don't do URL, only IRL

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

What makes humans unique? Humans are born out of a box, chasing box, spend their life working in a box, collecting stuff to be placed in boxes, shuffling those boxes from one giant box to another, eventually getting themselves placed in a box. No other species are this boxed in.

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

Don't read my palms, there's way more lines on my scrotum. I wanna hear about my past and future lives.

[Kfir @Kfir53383107]

First commandment of restaurant workers: treat unto customers how you would want to be treated upon.