No disrespect to anyone, but God please don't send me another partner who doesn't know how to communicate, take accountability, or emotionally show up. I don't want a partner who's still battling their own issues, avoiding healing, depressed, or emotionally unavailable and refusing help. I don't want a partner who can't stand firm, speak with clarity, or take control of their own life.
one of the main reasons i’m so gentle with myself is cause i believe i’ve already experienced enough hardship in my life. i’ve already been mishandled and undervalued by others and myself at times. so i deserve more patience, forgiveness, and consideration at this point.
I really owe myself an apology. For staying in places where I felt I wasn't wanted, but chose to hold on anyway. For trying to fix bonds that were already dead. For putting people first who would never have done the same for me. I knew better, but I kept giving chances. I kept showing up for folks who didn't appreciate me. So now I'm holding myself accountable, because I should.
no one talks about how draining it is when your mood is constantly switching between "its okay, i don't care. I'll be okay" and "I don't know how much more I can take"
That feeling when they think you are trying to win an argument, when the entire time you just want them to understand your perspective. It is truly exhausting.
If you are not ready to unlearn your toxic patterns and behaviors, we have no future together. I’m constantly trying to improve myself, constantly working on my flaws, so I will not accept someone who can’t improve.
This gays with kids conversation is interesting to me because as a gay that doesnt necessarily want kids its bc i realized it means id have to REALLY love and trust my partner.
I’m so embarrassed by all the pathetic and desperate shit I’ve done in an attempt to feel loved, and I’m more embarrassed that nothing has ever worked.
i need to actually pull my fucking shit together and focus on everything that's ahead of me, instead of everything i lost. it's not coming back. i have to move on, or else i'll die here, frozen in time where nothing ever changes.
Until you address me directly, you do not have an issue with me. You have an issue with yourself. I don’t respond to whispers, assumptions, side comments, or conversations held in rooms I’m not standing in. If it was serious enough to speak around me, it should be mature enough to bring to me. Until then, that is not conflict; that is avoidance wearing confidence.