Kirsi

Yes.

[Is Today Ted Danson's Birthday? @TedDansonBDay]

Today is not Ted Danson’s birthday.

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

I was relieved to learn there will be a separate, more exclusive rapture for celebrities.

[Kirsi @KirsiGaulden]

@Iexdawg Oh how the TABLES HAVE FUCKING TURNED! Where was this a week ago?

[Kirsi @KirsiGaulden]

@faiths191 I would like for you to be the actual bachelorette in the season that’s hosted here. That would be good TV.

[Kirsi @KirsiGaulden]

@faiths191 She was the guest speaker.

[Kirsi @KirsiGaulden]

“Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my honor to introduce you to tonight’s speaker Dr. Lucius Edmund Goostavus, or as he’s more commonly known: Dr. Luc E. Goose!”

*The crowd goes wild

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

What a terrible time to find out Santa is an anti-vaxxer.

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

The Christmas tree, severed from its roots and constrained by heavy lights, serves as a cruel warning to my houseplants.

[Kirsi @KirsiGaulden]

Jesse and Bekah Lusko Family Support https://t.co/10AsAwKLsj

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

It’s 11/29/20, or as I call it “Two primes and two dimes.” Sorry, but that’s been in my Drafts folder since 2012.

[Kirsi @KirsiGaulden]

"In the scheme of things, a haunted fax machine can't really do much" -My boss addressing our unplugged, yet still working, fax machine.

[Kirsi @KirsiGaulden]

The congregation stands confused, mouthing the words hesitantly as the trees lead them in one final chorus of 'Now He Reigns.'

[Kirsi @KirsiGaulden]

Slowly, the Christmas trees at calvary approach the worship band from behind, overtaking them one by one.

[Kirsi @KirsiGaulden]

The movie 'Twister' is rated PG13 for "intense depiction of very bad weather."

[Kirsi @KirsiGaulden]

https://t.co/J93peXck8M

[Kirsi @KirsiGaulden]

@lucashultz I’m sure you’re right. That cat is living.

[Kirsi @KirsiGaulden]

My soul has left me and I can’t seem to figure out where it’s gotten to.