Forbes Pyman

[Forbes Pyman @KitPyman]

@JanetHughes I stopped my daughter throwing dahlia petals to some cows we met at NT Hinton Ampner at the weekend on the cautious assumption they'd not be any good for them! The more you know.

[Forbes Pyman @KitPyman]

Free plums #justice4plums #Oakley

[Forbes Pyman @KitPyman]

@jjvincent You gotta put Bernie in there man

[Forbes Pyman @KitPyman]

@jjvincent I hate this why

[Forbes Pyman @KitPyman]

Garden Rescue at prime time.

[Forbes Pyman @KitPyman]

A Scotsman walks into a London sandwich bar. The server asks "What fillings would you like, sir?" The Scotsman says, "I'd luv tae feel anythan", bursts into tears and leaves.

[Forbes Pyman @KitPyman]

Italians really do make the best pasta. Orzo it would seem...

[Forbes Pyman @KitPyman]

Why did the estate agent say no to some rooibos? Because they only like realty, which is to say property.

[Forbes Pyman @KitPyman]

Got a joke about tea brewing....

[Forbes Pyman @KitPyman]

Absolutely outrageous. Neither he nor the judges have read His Dark Materials. Thematically incoherent at best, irrelevant at worst. Travesty @GBMofficial #GreatBritishMenu

[Monty Don @TheMontyDon]

I am very sorry to announce that Nigel has died.
He slipped quietly away with no pain or suffering and is now buried in the garden with lots of tennis balls.
Rest now old friend. See you in the sweet bye and bye.”

[Forbes Pyman @KitPyman]

Wyatt and Darlene bumping uglies. I'm over Ozark. Come on people.

[Forbes Pyman @KitPyman]

What do you get if you put Cilla Black in charge of an aviary?

A lorra lorrikeets.

[Dave @sheepfilms]

As it’s Halloween, which baguette is the most scary? Give your reasoning pls

[Forbes Pyman @KitPyman]

@JNLedger Broadly, helpful people say 'no worries' a lot cos they help people, and de nada means 'it was nothing'. And a pastel de nata is a custard tart.

[Forbes Pyman @KitPyman]

What do you call a helpful custard tart? A pastel de nada.

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Report: Rich Suitors Able To Correctly Guess Beautiful Woman’s Dress Size 92% Of Time https://t.co/gJPQ5Nn5DI

[THE PECKHAM PECULIAR @peckhampeculiar]

A Nunhead Baseball Club programme from 1937 via @nunhead1888

[Forbes Pyman @KitPyman]

@Se_Railway Your 0754 service Nunhead to Victoria left early. The driver had locked the doors and departed by 0752, with me on platform. Why on earth would that happen? Lovely start to the day.