kolby ¦ 🌻

24-he/him-ancom - master of emotions, daddy of good vibes

[Meg Watson @msmegwatson]

The new Instagram update really understood what I was looking for:
- none of my friends’ content
- reposted TikToks from meme accounts I do not follow
- 100x more ads
- everything played at full volume against my will

[max @corduroyslim_]

“ohhh so my rising sign is how people view me and my sun sign is how I view myself?”

[Patrick Doran @lunch_enjoyer]

i think JFK did all that stuff for attention and so he could get the airport named after him

[kolby ¦ 🌻 @KolbyAP]

@dodax_ch hello!! i need help with an order please i am still waiting

[Zullie @ZullieTheWitch]

If we found out reincarnation was real and had a way to verifiably track who a reincarnated person was in a previous life, how long would it take for companies to make sure you inherited debt from your previous lives?

[virgobaby @maybeeevirgo]

i’m like “i don’t give a f*ck” then have an anxiety attack

[d @girl_01000100]

guy at dunkin goes “that’ll be $18. haha i’m just fucking with you. that’s starbucks shit.” then leans in really close to me and whispers “you smoke bud?”

[anabel 💖💗 @trashcanabel]

hey (with intentions of building a lego set together)

[kolby ¦ 🌻 @KolbyAP]

if the writer is british and has siblings: “oi cunt. mum said to tell you you’re a prick”

[No It’s Not @VeroniKaboom]

How you can tell a writer has no siblings:

“Hey, little bro / little sis.“

How you can tell a writer has siblings:

“Hey, loser. Mom called.”

[collin @guyschoiceaward]

sure every trip to the grocery store costs twice as much as it used to but hey at least the quality of those groceries has also decreased significantly

[Anne Sundell @anne_sundell]

plane intercom: “is there a doctor on board??”

me rising out of my seat: “and are they single??”

[ᴘᴀᴠʟᴏᴠ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏʀɢɪ @PAVGOD]

what kind of plant is this???