Koos van der Merwe

[Koos van der Merwe @KoosVanDerMerwe]

@dwizzle17 bad guy can be easier sometimes

[Koos van der Merwe @KoosVanDerMerwe]

@dwizzle17 because people know we are douche bags and accept it. We expect you to be sweet, put out and cook.

[Koos van der Merwe @KoosVanDerMerwe]

@dwizzle17 only thing that matters is the white, lacy thong

[Koos van der Merwe @KoosVanDerMerwe]

If you’re gonna cheat, do it with someone who resembles your significant other. Then it’s not cheating. It’s an “homage.”

[Koos van der Merwe @KoosVanDerMerwe]

Nostalgia is a seductive liar

[Koos van der Merwe @KoosVanDerMerwe]

@dwizzle17 i love getting exes wedding requests and realize i was right. Upgrade or die in my eyes

[Koos van der Merwe @KoosVanDerMerwe]

When we role played she was wizard of oz and I was scarecrow. All I wanted was brain and she was happy to give.

[Koos van der Merwe @KoosVanDerMerwe]

@dwizzle17 im a healthy alcoholic. Oj builds immune and vodka kills everything.

[Koos van der Merwe @KoosVanDerMerwe]

@dwizzle17 oj vodka all day

[Koos van der Merwe @KoosVanDerMerwe]

@dwizzle17 juice boxes are the shit

[IG: DJTINAT @djtinat]

Amazing! RT @djklutch: Success is like being pregnant. Everyone congratulates you, But no one knows how many times you have been fucked

[Tucker Max @TuckerMax]

Girl "Im NOT a slut." Me "You sure? If u told your dad how many dicks have been in your mouth, what would he say?" Crushed.

[Koos van der Merwe @KoosVanDerMerwe]

@dwizzle17 I got pussy for mine, so I guess we are similar.

[Koos van der Merwe @KoosVanDerMerwe]

Im gonna be a star. Like if Larry the cable guy mouth raped tosh and he spit it in sarah silvermans puss and 9 months later you have me

[Koos van der Merwe @KoosVanDerMerwe]

@dwizzle17 gotta be that tigerblood on your veins. It works 50% of the time 100% of the time.

[Jim Gaffigan @JimGaffigan]

Most of my life feels like i'm down a touchdown and there's 48 seconds on the clock.

[Koos van der Merwe @KoosVanDerMerwe]

Sex was just the perk, mindfucking you was the plan all along

[Koos van der Merwe @KoosVanDerMerwe]

I think God is fucking with me. Female im dating is nicer to me when she's on her period. Why do I feel like pavlov's dog?

[Koos van der Merwe @KoosVanDerMerwe]

@dwizzle17 July 9, 1983