Kugandrie Govender

“I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am.”

[Kugandrie Govender @Kugandrie]

Can’t get enough of this campaign, I’m obsessed 💙

#Kamala

[Alexis @TheNotoriousLEX]

GEORGIA HAS FOREVER CHANGED THE ROLL CALL GAME!!!

WHAT?!?!?! OKKKKKKK!

[Bebé @NoozBebe_]

#NOOZ
#SAElections2024
#SAVotes
#ElectionResults

EFF (takes off VR headset): Guys... 😥 Have the votes been counted yet?
DA: Where have you been ma guy?
EFF: I'm not your guy wena. Hey wena, ANC, I told you I was going to take your seat. It's my time now! Ja, Kill the...
MK: You're making noise, boy?
EFF: Yey wena who are you calling "boy."
ANC: Shut up! I'm trying to count here. (rocks on chair in a corner)
DA: You can't count with a 30% pass mark.😂
ANC: DA I would like for you to f...
EFF: 😭😭😭😭Guyziz 😭😭😭 What's happening? Those numbers cannot be correct. Who expropriated my votes?! 😭
PA: Maybe your voters jumped the bord...
DA: PA! Nee man. Behave yourself, please. Guys we have to work together.

🦗🦗🦗🦗

ActionSA: Does anyone need their hair done? 🥹

[Bebé @NoozBebe_]

#NOOZ
#SAElections2024
#ElectionResults
#KZN

Scenes:

IFP: 😷🤕 Ha we ma! Why would my people do this to me?
ANC: Oh, welcome to hell. 😂
DA: You people...🧐
MK: Yey shathap wena!😠 Who's 'you people?' 😒 Jou bloody mshini.
DA: What are you saying? Are you being tribal with me?🧐
MK: Yewena! Fourty three percent! Wake up, hawu! Who's failing matric now? heh? 😂
DA: Ag you stole this, just like everything else! Bloody tsoties. 😕
IFP: Guys, sharrup maan! I have a headache! 🤕
ANC: he he he heeee. Your ancestor is gone.
ActionSA: Guys? I'm here.
🦗 silence🦗🦗🦗
DA: Ghaaz, did you hear that?
ANC: Close the windows. It sounded like a mosquito.
MK: Mshini wam mshini...🕺🕺
All: Not now! 😡

[Bebé @NoozBebe_]

#NOOZ
#ElectionResults
#SAElections2024

16:00 , 30 May 24

Scenes:

DA: (k-way jackets and scarves): Ghaaz who wants coffee? ANC? You okay, my boet? 🤭
ANC: Futsek wena. Nxxx 😒😷🤒
MK: 51% for who? 😝
IFP: Where's my gun?! Thula wena! You're new here.
MK: New? Me? Me, I'm a twin 😌. I've been living inside ANC as a siamese twin. I broke out of him, through his neck. That's why he's in ICU.
ANC: Yey, futsek wena man.
PA: Things are gonna change around here.
DA: PA, did you steal these numbers, hey? Are you tsotsi? Skebenga🧐
MK: 😂 I'll get us coffee. When I sang "mshini wam'" I meant my coffee machine.

[Kugandrie Govender @Kugandrie]

Aaaanywaaay….

#truth

[Bebé @NoozBebe_]

Shortened #SONA2024

• Mourn thy neighbour- Namibian prez.
• Remember that horrible time in 1994? 😉 Vote emotionally.
• Cue in Mandela's name and that one famous Zulu king.
• Talk of the constitution and imaginary kumbaya session between South Africans of different backgrounds.
• Bragging about creating opportunities that, and I quote, "never existed before."
• 2008 global recession blamed for local poverty.
• Putin and Zelensky's war also got stray bullets.
• Money was stolen from the government, by government. Everyone knows all who are implicated, but we're all just gonna wait for one of them to die off or something. State capture!
• More thinly veiled jibes at Jay-Z now that he's got a new gig.
• Covid. Bladdy covid.
• Men are beating and killing women. Guys we gotta do something about it. Anyway...
• Climate change, hey.
• Tinswalo was born in 1994 and we're going to use her life as an analogy for this country's devolution. (I'd hate to be Tinswalo)
• Tinswalo lived a state-funded life so she's lucky to be alive because we funded her existence.
• I'm mentioning some facts that you're aware of as an ordinary South African so that you can see that I'm aware of things. Unemployment. Uhm... youths are unemployed. The Unemployment of youths. Yes.
• We have more black managers in the country (the country where the majority is black. Yes that country.)
• Let's rebuild (the things that our government neglected for years)
• State capture! Again.
• We're going to end loadshedding. One day. Some day. At some point in time.
• We're building more power lines over the next 5 years. 😉 vote for my party.
• There's a new fund to steal from: the Climate Change Response fund. Yay!
• There was traffic at our ports. We haven't fully cleared it, but we want you to know that we know. Also, the war in the Middle-East means we can gain by being a docking station. Hello Vasco da Gama.
• More people have Internet because of us (✋️😀 daddy, that's a global thing hey.)
• There will be a really really fast train between Joburg and Durbs. (But sir, the slower, cheaper train has failed for years now...)
• We're going to end loadshedding. You'll see. Stru. Mafra. I swear.
• On employment, we're doing great guys. Forget what I said earlier. We created jobs. We're also giving out free money.
• People are dying later in life now (so that they can enjoy this pitiful existence for an extended period. Yay)
• You think you have no water? Huh?! Apartheid was worse. Enjoy watershedding, you thankless lot.
• Political jargon and gibberish to pass time and make the speech longer.
• Crime! Ohhh we're definitely dealing with those guys hey. Look at all the security forces we're forming. We're fighting crime. Bringing our bicycles to an F1 race right here, baby. Winning!
• We are solving global wars! Well, not solving, but saying something about it. (READ: We are writing stern letters to the BBC.)
• Mention of Africa, for ambiance.
• Covid again.
• Cue in the violins as I speak like we're equals.
• We've been through a lot together, guys.
• I know what you're thing through.
• Democracy. My party. Economic growth.
• Apartheid. Jibe at EFF.
• I was physically there when the constitution was penned. In not your mate. I'm superior.
• The next 30 years are gonna be a jol, guys. (lol)
• Cue in the Mandela quote. Blah blah, fishpaste.
• "Like Madiba, we must keep moving, always forward." (Does he know about 5 Dec 2005? 👀)

[Everton @Everton]

Three wins in a row.
Three clean sheets in a row.

Those Toffees. 💙

[Kugandrie Govender @Kugandrie]

@Am_Blujay Monkeys, gorillas and tigers… sounds legit 🤡

[Kugandrie Govender @Kugandrie]

If only there was a WC trophy for twitter/x accounts 😂

[Iceland Cricket @icelandcricket]

We want the chance to bowl at South Africa in an ODI to see if we could keep them to under 1,000.

#realisticgoals

[Kugandrie Govender @Kugandrie]

💚💛

[Brent Lindeque @BrentLindeque]

This photo is EVERYTHING!!!

Still can't get over the game last night.

We were at our local and the mood in the bar was properly sad for most of the match. I looked around and everyone looked so sad.

It's like we had all given up. We were watching this thing unfold. And we had lost hope.

I speak about this in my Keynotes but during “cofifi”, a group of clever psychologists coined a term that the world was collectively going through. It’s called “Anticipatory Grief” and the basic meaning of it is that we were all grieving something we hadn’t lost yet.

I kinda feel like South Africans are in a constant state of Anticipatory Grief. Even way before the pandemic.

We are all waiting for another corruption scandal. Waiting to hear about more money being looted by our Government officials - how’s that couch, Mr President? Waiting to hear about another horrible crime committed against someone we know. Or maybe even to us. Waiting to hear about another sad story of a family who can’t eat tonight. More loadshedding. More potholes. More inflation. The list feels almost endless.

It can feel like we’re constantly losing.

Last night, we were all on tenterhooks. For almost 90% of that game, we were all on edge. Most of us had given up. Be honest here, we thought we had lost.

And then something magical happened. In those last 10 minutes, the Bokke somehow did it. They turned it all around.

WE WON!!!!

And all of a sudden, the bar erupted. Everyone jumped to their feet. People were screaming. Crying. And hugging each other. Strangers were all celebrating South Africa.

I think that’s a beautiful analogy to what we face as a country.

It can sometimes feel like we’re in a constant losing battle, but it takes 10 minutes to change everything.

Yes, in times of tragedy (and really hectic rugby), look for the helpers and the heroes… cause they will always be there.

I said it yesterday but our team don’t just play rugby. They play with everything they have. They play for every single South African. They play to remind us who we are. And they play to show us who we can be.

And those last 10 minutes showed us exactly who we can be.

Stronger Together!

Proudly South African... and PROUD of South Africa.

Okay. Love you. Bye.

[Kugandrie Govender @Kugandrie]

Extraordinary Kiwi performance 🖤 @RachinRavindra was pure fire! Can’t wait to see more of him in this tournament

#icccricketworldcup2023 #ICCCricketWorldCup

[BLACKCAPS @BLACKCAPS]

Devon Conway (152*) and Rachin Ravindra (123*) guide the team to an opening win in India! Both on @cricketworldcup debut. Scorecard | https://t.co/aNkBrDiAuv #CWC23

[Kugandrie Govender @Kugandrie]

Love this account 😂

[Iceland Cricket @icelandcricket]

No play is currently possible, but ground staff are confident they will have everything mopped up in an hour.

[Kugandrie Govender @Kugandrie]

@AndyP_180 💙

[Howzattt Cricket @HowzatttC]

Inspriration and motivationtime! Register for the Women's Breakfast at Kingsmead on August 30th and meet trailblazers of the business and cricket world. Learn what makes these unique and amazing women tick! The power is in your hands!

#Getinspired #Powerinyourhands

[Kugandrie Govender @Kugandrie]

Perfection from every angle 😂 so bloody good!

[England's Barmy Army 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🎺 @TheBarmyArmy]

This is absolute perfection 🤣🤣🤣

[Kugandrie Govender @Kugandrie]

💚💛🥹

[Sasol Banyana Banyana @Banyana_Banyana]

FULL-TIME!!

🇿🇦3️⃣➖2️⃣🇮🇹

#BeyondGreatness #FIFAWWC

[Kugandrie Govender @Kugandrie]

A classic 😅

[Ashraf Garda Champion South Africa @AshrafGarda]

A moment in South African television and current affairs history

[Kugandrie Govender @Kugandrie]

Yesss Caster! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
NO to discrimination of females in sport!

#YouGoGirl #CasterSemenya

[Sky News @SkyNews]

BREAKING: Double Olympic 800m champion Caster Semenya has won her appeal to the European Court of Human Rights challenging testosterone regulations, with the court ruling that she had been discriminated against.

https://t.co/PAiZ4D1jU3

📺 Sky 501 and YouTube

[Yusuf Abramjee @Abramjee]

Good to see so many police officers and soldiers on our streets. With the high levels of crime, the @SAPoliceService should sustain it permanently.

[Kugandrie Govender @Kugandrie]

@Abramjee I’m sure the new Minister of Police will tackle this new reality of ours…. Wait… nope, nope. Nothing new to see here ☹️

[Kugandrie Govender @Kugandrie]

@Social_bbeing Born in 1949 😳 how are the youth supposed to get jobs… 🙁