Kyle Kim

Everything I tweet is not a joke and completely 100% serious.

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

@stoliglobalese This looks like you're sucking a little penis.

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

@evilhag saying you're no longer allowed to see male therapists and then clarifying that it's a rule you made for yourself is probably the funniest thing I've heard in 8 months. #conan

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

Instead of half-committing to future plans by saying "maybe", just use the phrase "I will have to see how my life is going at the time and I'll get back to you."

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

@KeeperOfChoNisi @ArgentineTea @latimes It's not the same thing lul.

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

@DSA_LosAngeles How about a rebrand?

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

Thankfully @deshaunwatson only was suspended for 6 games. I wouldn't want @ClevelandBrowns to kill themselves.

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

@ClevelandBrowns hopefully @deshaunwatson doesn't efff up anymore. That's the type of decision-making that doesn't win championships. #nfl #DeshaunWatson #MeToo

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

@MassageEnvy need a celebrity endorsement? hit up @deshaunwatson! He loves massages.

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

@RozwellKid COME TO LOS ANGELES!

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

The only reason we eat pigs is because they don't have expressive ears and tails. #dogs

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

#datingapps are a visual medium. My body is not.

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

Sure, building a worthwhile relationship with emotional vulnerability and mutual respect is nice, but have you seen all these hot idiots on @Tinder?

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

Word of mouth works like this. Some guy sees me do comedy. That guy tells another guy. And then THAT guy tells another GUY. And THAT GUY TELLS ANOTHER GUY. Before you know it, that's 3 guys talking about me.

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

We have a lot of soul food in the South. We call it soul food because if you eat a lot of it, you go to heaven quicker.

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

Did you know that it's illegal to threaten or assault a TSA agent?-- Even if it's in self-defense.

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

Getting a ton of plastic surgery is a lot like installing an @HP printer: That's a lot of crap you're loading on there for it to NOT WORK.

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

Now they are arguing about sinks.

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

@netflix I don't know about you guys, but this John Wayne Gacy fella doesn't look very funny.

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

Friday night and I'm listening to my dad and his girlfriend scream about which tile would look best in bathroom reno.

[Kyle Kim @KyleBKimber]

"I'd never start a fight; I'm a pacifist. Though, I suppose I'd never stop one either" -- My Honest Friend.