Kyle Bernstein

masterbanker

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

https://t.co/9NpZAIP2yZ

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

https://t.co/9NpZAIP2yZ Time to stock up!

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

Today, I bought my first new lipstick in 3 years.

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

I've never been compared to Marilyn Monroe before, but I'll take it.
#countyfair

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

@nicecatcarol I just heard the news.
Absolutely gutted.
One of the most passionate and powerful artists I've ever seen.

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

@_npryan I hope not, because I replied "Right back atcha".
She did not rock.

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

1st customer of the day muttered "you suck" to me as she was leaving.
How was your morning?

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

Today, I met someone with (presumably) ADHD (I am not a licensed therapist) the likes of which I have never seen.
I learned a lot today.

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

Me scrolling through the obituaries in my hometown newspaper on my lunch break.
Co-worker comes in & sits down.
"Watcha doing?"
Me: "Reading the...um...shopping. You know, Amazon or whatever."

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

The day was saved by my incompetency.

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

Every morning when I leave for work, I kiss my husband on the forehead and remind him to change the light bulb in the bathroom.

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

Boss: "Do you have plans for the weekend?"
Me: "It's Doom Metal night at the bowling alley. Do you want to go?"
Boss: "Absolutely."
Boss: "Wait. You're serious."

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

Hair stylist offered me a coffee.
I asked what my choices are.
She replied, "Yes or no. This isn't Starbucks ".
#spiritanimal

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

You know how in movies, people don't say goodbye before they hang up the phone?
There are people who actually do that in real life.
They suck.
#sorude

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

Radio station playing set about NYC subway.
Husband & I start swapping in lyrics about naked homeless people masturbating/ vomiting; beatings, assault, and other crimes.
We can't be the only people for whom riding the train daily was disgusting, scary, and otherwise unsavory.

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

Customer: "It was so hot outside I was smoking."
Me: "You were smoking outside?"
Customer: "Well, I can't smoke inside anymore, can I, Kyle?"
#inflectionmatters

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

@Morbidful Don't we all?

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

Ordered new business cards and had the option to add pronouns, so why the hell not.
We'll see how this goes.

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

@EdPlunkett @shaindelr I couldn't even imagine.

[Kyle Bernstein @KyleBurnsThings]

@shaindelr Parents not using your Girl Scout cookie money to pay bills.