Kanye: Damn baby, I can’t do it that fast
But i know somebody who can, Twista!
Twista: WhenIcatchyoulookingattheglistonmyhandsandwrist
Whileimlayingbacksmokingonmycannabis
14 year old me:
On tonight’s episode of #PaigeAndLaurenParent: Had no utensil night - 1 teenager cried the entire time. Now the littles are discussing Italian operas & Mozart. I’d say we’re doing just fine. @PSpietz5
Dear Judge Kavanaugh-
We request that you withdraw your nomination. Whether it's the stolen emails, hidden documents, your perjury, your lies, your work in the Bush WH and now the assault allegations... America deserves better. Withdraw.
Signed,
Everyone Who Retweets This 🇺🇸
Trying to make plans as an adult:
“Omg it’s been so long. I miss you. Let’s get drinks ASAP!”
“Omg yes! Tuesday night?”
“Tuesday is no good for me. How about Thursday?”
“I can’t Thursday”
Until eventually you just stop texting each other & pick it back up 8 months later
My drive to work takes 45 minutes... unless there’s a tractor, mama deer and her babes, or a dog (or three) on the road. #StoriesFromTheSticks#TrafficTweets