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140 (or so) character distillations of the Los Angeles Times' daily Column One feature.

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Ten thousand painters with an MFA in LA and we write about this loser who paints lousy portraits of losers. http://t.co/AjrNquZl

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This Dream Act sob story would have been better if it had been written a year ago. When it actually happened. http://t.co/q7rG7T1g

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Does TV star + social media consultant = MLB prospect? No: TV star + social media consultant = Tommy John surgery. http://t.co/An9GVsmy

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excuse the absence...jumping back in the Column One saddle now

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Potentially interesting piece on plight of Nigerian divorcees trivialized by gratuitous Jane Austen ref in 3,2,1: http://t.co/6goujysq

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Open mic at a Vegas bar. Reader comment says it best: "Why are you guys wasting so much ink on these hapless fools?" http://t.co/dzSFRgfF

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Some lady lives in the American Gothic House. Who knew? Readers of the four other papers that wrote about her first. http://t.co/GU18bA35

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Bored Jewish woman gives to Christian charity --> poor African boy attains middle class --> LAT readers snooze. http://t.co/Yq9yo2OV

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Her son is named Mars. A tribute to the Air Jordan spots? She eats dinner with strangers. Who cares? Good questions. http://t.co/bJ8c5GnV

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Latest episode of rich folks in poor places: Africa, home of starving Sudanese babies 'n stuff, also has billionaires! http://t.co/heZm3K2R

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How does time-lapse photography look in print? Lots of veins, energy and flow. And kind of like an ad for a filmmaker. http://t.co/jXNvFDOi

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Is anything more cloying and precious than ladybug people? Yes, an incomprehensible story about ladybug people. http://t.co/M6aeM94k

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It seems every Pakistani hindu is named Kumari, and muslims are constantly kidnapping them. Other Kumars here, too! http://t.co/nmgg3iAb

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Even old farts have hobbies. Also, six, count 'em SIX parentheticals in one story (!): http://t.co/TRFYwkcV

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Indian rags to riches tale: Dalit untouchable suffers, succeeds, becomes insufferable, Benz-driving 1 percenter: http://t.co/sJkUgpf3

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Apparently rich assholes will pay $27,000 for an old typewriter. And brag about it. Here is one of them. http://t.co/XyDFZe8P