LA Traffic Watch

Every once in a while there is traffic in Los Angeles.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

It rained briefly in LA today, so please allow an extra three days to get to work.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

In order to increase traffic to your website, just check to make sure its design is similar to that of the Los Angeles freeway system.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

The 5 South is totally backed up. Baking soda and vinegar didn't work, so now we're just going to pour a whole bunch of Drano down it.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

The 134 and 170 freeways announce plans to merge in order to leverage their combined resources to streamline and enhance driver frustration.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

Choosing between the 101 and the 5 for your evening commute is like being permitted to select the manner of your execution.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

The KCRW pledge drive has joined up with rush hour traffic to ensure that nothing about your drive home this evening will be enjoyable.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

Traffic is heavy for this evening's commute. If possible, motorists are encouraged to avoid roads.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

The 105 East is slow and go from Central to the 605, but the 91 is moving. Why not stop by and help it pack its things?

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

If traffic is moving too swiftly, drivers are asked to slow down and create arbitrary gridlock to return freeways to normal conditions.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

Traffic on the 405 was as horrible today as it is on a typical weekday. It's now clear that no one in Los Angeles actually has a job.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

Life (in LA) is a highway, and you're gonna ride it all night long.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

Traffic will only be heavy today if everyone gets in their cars and drives somewhere.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

The San Diego Freeway is much less laid-back than its name would suggest.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

Tonight marks the beginning of Rush Hour Savings Time, in which all periods of heavy traffic are expanded by two hours in each direction.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

105 West: heavy congestion between Lakewood Blvd. and the 710. Drivers should consider The Perks of Exiting at Bellflower.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

Pickup truck drivers are encouraged to mount humorous mudflaps on their vehicles to provide entertainment to motorists stuck in gridlock.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

The southbound 605 is reduced to two lanes past Rosecrans, because Caltrans needed a place to store some cones.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

To report a pothole, call our hotline. For quicker service, write the pothole's location on a napkin and let it flutter away in the breeze.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

405 North: Getty Ctr. Dr. exit closed tonight, so you won't be able to drive past the Getty Center and feel guilty about never going there.

[LA Traffic Watch @LATrafficWatch]

Traffic will only be heavy today if the government continues its policy of undertaxing gasoline compared to every other Western nation.